Hate What You Do? Then Keep Doing it
What I learned when the things that bogged me down became motivation
“Eerr Eerr Eerr”
In between the waves of persuasion, one calling me to resign to sleep and the other attempting to wake me up, my eyes strain to find my life’s tormentor and the destroyer of peace.
My hands drag across my bed back and forth until I realize my phone is on the other side of the world. At that moment I curse myself for intentionally place it so far out of reach. I attempt to leverage my long arms, but to no avail, I had placed it just out of reach.
And so it isn’t with excitement, anticipation, or even a good night of rest that I awake to a new day but by obligation.
And by obligation I got in my car and traveled the all-too familiar roads, often times sitting behind the same white Camarro, driving by the same unconvincing billboards, and occasionally listening to a new song I’ve scavenged from Spotify.
I pull into the parking lot, take one last breath of cement infused air, and make my trek up to the 16th floor. I punch in the 4 digit pin to get in, get my mornings worth of snacks from our five cent vending machine, and plop into my chair.
I look at the time on the computer reading 9:30 and unconsciously I let out a sigh. Here it goes again…
Can you guess what I’m about to say next? Can you forsee how I’m going to approach this topic and the stance I’ll take?
Well I hope you can’t because this one isn’t about doing what’s right or optimal. It’s not about being mature employees who don’t burn bridges, employees who really commit themselves to the company while they’re there, and glean whatever possible since everything can become a growing opportunity. All of which I strongly believe and work towards.
Not this time. This time, it’s about using a season in our lives, a rather dreaded one like the dead of winter, and using it as a means of getting somewhere better. We’re not trying to force anything, but letting the forces move and inspire us.
At only 2 months in the job, 17 months since I graduated college, and 4 months since I left my 3 month-stint in Nepal, I knew I was in for a rough time. It was at this moment that the accumulating feeling of the past few weeks came to a full realization where I knew that not only this wasn’t it, but I had to get out of here.
And yes, I’ll just put this out there and say I’m part of the millenial workforce, but we can talk about that another time.
What happened for the next few weeks and months became the catalyst that has propelled me into another level of life.
That dread I mentioned was no ordinary feeling. Each and every day it felt as though the sun was getting dimmer and my soul less like me. I was tortured not by the physical time constraints but the idea that my mind was auctioned off for most of my day.
You see, the tasks we as employees have to do, those aren’t the issue. We don’t have a case against doing menial, boring, or overbearing work. That, I concede is the traditional path of a career. Sacrifices must be made, dues need to be paid, but my question is, for what?
It’s the degradation of the mind and the unfed appetite of our spirits that’s one of life’s greatest tragedies. And like most tragedies, we as a people have come to accept it and allow time to mend it. Many times it’s without anything more than a slightly more expensive band-aid.
And as much as I didn’t want to accept that fate it was a struggle. Each and every day I came into the office I felt an even greater objection in my very existence. And yet at the same time, I felt my will becoming weaker and weaker. It was being subdued and oppressed by the sense of security, professionalism, and even gratitude.
“You get in at 9:30 and clock out at 5:00. They pay you for doing almost nothing.”
“It’s only been 4 months. What will it look like on your resume? Don’t you need to accumulate some real skills and knowledge?”
“Are you not even thankful for this kind of job? Think about how good you have it.”
Like a darkened cave, my mind would echo, “Yea, I guess so...”
But in those moments, when it felt like I would give in to the norm or the road often traveled, I would hear these words.
You were meant for more than this.
You don’t belong here.
I can see what really burns in your heart.
Sometimes I had the courage to speak these to myself, but most of the times there were people around me who saw what I didn’t and fueled my fire when I ran out of gas.
There were absolutely days that just felt good, whether I had the right attitude or it just wasn’t raining. But for everyday I felt a little crappier I added it to my personal jar of conviction. I tried my best not to let my emotions affect my day-to-day or my performance, but I didn’t brush it under the rug either.
I collected those moments, I jotted down those strong feelings, and I told myself this isn’t it, don’t give in.
That is until one day my jar started to spill over. I was going on 6 months and something switched. I can’t say if it switched off or on, but something changed. All of a sudden, all the things that were hesitations and roadblocks to my next move didn’t seem so huge.
Not only did I want to travel again but I wanted to move to the city of my dreams, New York City. And so I got to it. That’s when I began pouring out everything that I had stored in my jar. All that I despised, all that wasn’t me, I allowed myself to fully embrace. The freshness of my time and memories at work caused me to send application after application. It caused me to book a trip halfway across the world by myself. The very things that bogged me down and made my life so much more tiring became my motivation.
I like to say, “The pull (factors) should always be stronger than the push (factors),” but at this moment I’ve got to say they were neck and neck.
A boldness and a courage stronger than any of my fears and worries overcame me and I didn’t doubt it. I took hold of the moment by the horns and said, “This is what I’ve been waiting for.”
Going to work, whether it’s a career or a job, simply hating it won’t get us anywhere. It’s about processing that dislike, that confusion, that misalignment into fuel and constantly thinking about where we want to go and what we want to do.
It’s draining, doing something we hate. And a lot of times it bleeds into our relationships, our families, and our decisions negatively. If we can manage to enjoy our work and to have a change of attitude, then great. But if it’s something much more profound, a problem of the roots, then it’s about channeling and redirecting that anger, bitterness, frustration, and purposelessness into drive, ambition, curiosity, and discipline.
Go to work. Hate it? Go again tomorrow. Still hate it? Then we have two choices. We can either hate it until we’re old and we don’t have enough energy to hate it any more, or hate it so much that it forces a response in our lives whether that’s a change of mentality or an entirely new journey.
Whichever you choose, choose with purpose. Choose as if your life depends on it, because if we really think about it, the health of our lives really is impacted by it, a lot. Choose hard work over complacency. Choose faith over doubt. Choose purpose over money. Choose whatever is necessary that will bring life and joy to you and your family in the context of your lives.
I would love to hear if any of you have taken that step forward, even if there isn’t anything to show for yet.
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