How You Can Thank a Veteran Today
NOTE: This is a special post in honor of Veteran’s Day
We called it the Last Supper.
Myself and two other members from my unit clinked beers and held them up. “Well boys,” I said being the ranking Non-Commissioned Officer, “It’s back to the Suck.”
We happened to be sitting in a Chili’s at the Dallas-Ft. Worth International Airport eating our last decent meal before each of us headed back to Iraq. Each of us would return to our small, forward operating bases where the chance of a decent meal, indoor plumbing, and beer would be next to non-existent for the next 6 months we had left in our tour of duty.
So we did what any sane person would. We ordered practically everything on the menu, laughed, and talked about our time at home to distract us from what laid ahead.
When it came for us to head towards our flight I motioned the waitress for the check. She came over, warmly smiled and said, “All your meals and drinks have been paid for already.” We stopped talking and simply stared at her.
“By whom!?” I managed to blurt out in shock. Our tab was well over $150.
“They already left and asked not to be identified, but wanted to show a small gesture saying thank you for your service.”
The three of us sat there stunned while I managed to eek out a small “thank you” and then proceeded to tip the waitress an absurd amount because we didn’t know what else to do. We left the restaurant in silence, each of us overwhelmed at the simple display of generosity. More importantly we were humbled and grateful. Someone had noticed us.
It’s been about 7 years since that event happened and it’s still fresh as the morning dew. Every time I think about it I smile. I wish I could thank whoever made that small gesture to a group of us soldiers sitting in an airport bar. I wish I could let them know how much it still means to me.
A VETERAN’S INNER CONFLICT
If most veterans are honest, we can sometimes get lost in our heads thinking about just what exactly it means to be a veteran and how should we respond. Should I shrug it off? I signed up after all. Should I demand to be noticed? No, that’s arrogant and not in keeping with military values. Plus, I don’t want to be placed on a pedestal. Do I just stay silent? I want to know what I did matters but don’t know how to communicate that….
Because of the inner conflict, most us just end up staying silent and playing it off like it’s not a big deal. But the truth is most of us are really proud that we are veterans. We like that there’s a Veteran’s Day for the veteran and a Memorial Day that honors our fallen brothers. But aside from that many of us feel weird when people tell us “Thank You for your service” and shake our hands.
It’s not that we don’t appreciate the gesture (we do) but you might as well be telling me “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Birthday”. The reason behind this thought process is we know the cost of being a veteran. 22 veterans kill themselves almost daily. Many that take their life feel alone and isolated by a country they feel no longer understands them, let alone cares. The rest of us remember the pain and rigor of training, fighting, and giving up time with family and friends to stand in defense of a nation we care about. We chose to do so this not because we simply love our country, but we can put the face of a friend or loved one behind the country we care about and that’s worth it. Others of us have endured the scars of war. The memories of our fallen brothers haunt us. We understand the great agony and heartache that comes along with being a soldier.
So imagine if you bought me a Maserati, and my response was to shake your hand, say “thank you” and then get in the car and drive off. You’d leave there feeling a little letdown. That’s the only way I know how to describe it. We’re thankful you noticed and we get that we signed up for what we did, but it’s still a weird spot for us and we can be a borderline schizophrenic bunch with our feelings.
HOW TO SAY THANKS
It’s really not hard to thank a veteran and have them feel appreciated. Just look at the person who bought my meal 7 years ago. Hell, I’m still thinking about it. Just like the Maserati example, you’d appreciate a handwritten note saying “thanks” over a handshake. A lot of great companies are already doing cool things to show their thanks, so I put together a small but simple list that will be easy for anyone to do.
- Shoot them a personalized text message explaining how grateful you are and why they mean so much to you (this also helps with those contemplating suicide).
- Buy their meal and don’t say anything. Just pay and tell the waitress to let them know their service is appreciated (even the Bible talks about this — Matt. 6:4). Their mind will be BLOWN.
- If you don’t have a lot of money, buy them a coffee or a beer (Bonus points again if they don’t know who did it)
- Shoot them a personalized email or hand written thank you note instead of the text.
- Donate some time to a Veteran’s Organization or give towards a veteran based charity (I’ve done work with the Boot Campaign that has veterans assistance programs and can vouch for them)
Just remember. Action always speaks louder than words, and these simple gestures are a way you can help a veteran feel appreciated.
