Why I Want to be Brave before I am Beautiful, Successful, or Happy
There was a girl who sat in the corner of the class. She seemed fairly normal just looking at her: small, thin, short curly blonde hair. However, on the days when the professor would ask a question, her hand would shoot up and her peers would silently cringe on the inside.
As her name was called, and she opened her mouth to answer the question, her words would tumble out in a painful jumble of starts and stops. Nothing could piece together exactly as it was supposed to, her eyes seeming to hold back tears, the high pitch of her voice always louder than she wanted it to be.
Some of the other students pitied her, others just wished she wouldn’t raise her hand anymore so as to avoid the awkward communication of uncontrollable words and phrases. But every day, whenever a question was raised, this girl would lift her hand and speak up.
“It was painful to hear her. She must have known how hard it would be to say anything. She must have thought silently we all just wanted her to stay silent. That didn’t stop her,” my boyfriend Matt completed the story.
“That. That was brave.”
The Thought
When I think of bravery, the first thing that comes to mind is dragons. Yes, it’s cliché, but I imagine the thick scaly creatures with ruby eyes and mouths full of flames, Smaug or Daenerys’ pets from Game of Thrones. Then I think of the hero who dared to take on an enemy that formidable.
He is tall, broad-shoulders, long dark hair. From head to toe he is coated in heavy chainmail and steel armor, a sharp broadsword and expertly crafted shield dark from being licked by fire.
He is given what seems to be an impossible task, yet he is unwavering is his conviction to the fight. I’m sure the thought crosses his mind that he could turn away and find easier and less daunting occupations to fill his time. Yet, he instead displays his fearlessness and his dedication.
Very rarely do I think of bravery and I think of myself. When I think about good qualities I posses, or the things I am striving for, I say I am aiming to be beautiful, I’m aiming to be happy. I might even be aiming to be successful.
But brave? I’m no fearless knight. There it sits inside of me — inside most of us. A mentality not of cowardice but of pretended realism:
I know I cannot slay dragons.
I know that problem or difficulty is too big for me to solve.
I know others are better cut out to have that dream.
Not me.
A few weeks ago, I came across some words I had scribbled in the margins of a journal. The words read — “The world deserves a braver-brand of you.”
The more that I thought about that, I realized how right that younger, wiser me was. The world needs you, needs me, to be a little bit braver. The question is…how?
The Question
Today, you can begin that project that no one believes you will be able to finish. Today, you can start your own business. Today, you can stand up to your boss when they treat you poorly. Today, you can be honest with your parents, your best friend, about your depression.
Today, you can walk away from a relationship that is dismantling you. Today, you can get up and speak in front of a classroom full of other people. Today, you can love someone even when they are being difficult.
I asked Matt what he thought bravery was, and his answer was a girl that he had class with in college. He told me the story simply to explain that it is always brave to do what is extremely hard, even though it is extremely hard.
“This year is about courage for me,” I said. “I want to try to do one brave act every day.”
When Matt asked what that was going to look like, I wasn’t exactly sure. I initially thought of the big things that could help me complete my challenge to myself: advocating for a big cause, helping strangers in dire need, etc. But the more I have gone through my days, I have realized this —
Our dragons come in all shapes and sizes. Whether big or small, they are all scary and they all have sharp teeth and fiery breath. But just because we are afraid does not mean we can’t combat them. Just because we don’t feel ready doesn’t mean we cannot step forward with a little dose of courage anyway.
Our bravest acts are not always our loudest ones or the ones that everybody sees.
Sometimes it is courageous for me to do the dishes for my roommates even though I am tired and would rather go to bed early. Sometimes it is courageous for me to strike up a conversation with the woman checking me out at the grocery store because she looks like she is having a bad day. Sometimes it is courageous for me to sit down and force myself to write, or to be patient with someone at work even though they are pushing my buttons.
The Challenge
There are so many things that we can be, so many things that we can care about. Every day you and I are slammed with the images of fame, of fortune, of popularity and notoriety. I admit I have wanted all of these things. I have wanted what our culture demands of me: beauty, success, happiness, and all the little steps in between.
To be beautiful is to be noticed, yes.
To be successful is to be envied.
To be happy is to be liked or maybe even admired.
But to be brave? When you are brave, you inspire. It is because of those with courage among us that we are challenged to do more, to say more, to be more. When we do what is hard even though it is hard, because it is right, when we poke at and battle and face our dragons, we tell those around us it is possible for them to do the same.
Maybe today it is just to speak up in class, but that is brave. The thing about this boldness is that it doesn’t take much at all to participate in a brave act — it simply requires of us the willingness to try even if we are scared to death.
This is my challenge to you. Come along on the journey with me and do one brave act today.
