Pussy smells… like pussy

Stacy’s pussy smells… like pussy. Who’d have fuckin’ guessed.

For some reason, I feel completely embarrassed when a guy puts his mouth on my pussy and I never enjoy it. In my head I feel like it smells. Any suggestions?

Stacy — PA

Stacy, sweetheart, you are one of the many needless sufferers of IHVS or I Have a Vagina Syndrome. Typical symptoms may vary but often include the learned need to apologize for not having a fucking phallus dangling between your legs. Have you smelled your boy’s sacks lately? And when’s the last time he felt the need to say some shit like “Honey, I don’t think I could take a blowjob tonight… my boys are just too nasty… Why don’t I eat you out instead.”

Trust me, Stay-Away Stacy, there are two kinds of men… those who eat pussy and those who don’t. If you’ve got the former, stop bitching about it, grab that fucker like a head of wilted lettuce, ram his mug between your legs and tell him to clean your kitten till she purrs. Stop empowering men who don’t eat pussy by refusing to receive your just desserts from the scarce few of us left who enjoy giggling in your garden.

Alternately, cave in to your pussy-stench paranoia and undergo the radical new outpatient procedure “Make My Pussy Smell Like an Irish Spring,” shoving a family-size bar of that shit right up there. Not only will it ease your common but needless pussy-stench insecurities, it may simultaneously curb his vulgar potty mouth.
Angry Frank

Originally published at Heat and Stir.