A Science Fiction Book Almost Ruined My Life
I recently read the book Dark Matter by Blake Crouch. I’ve tried to sum up my thoughts before and can’t quite do it. Instead, I’ll just copy and paste Rick Klau’s apt Goodreads review of it.
What a mind-bending, entirely original book. If you’ve ever read about (and been intrigued by) Schrödinger’s Cat, you will love this book. At the center of the book is quantum superposition — which sets the stage for a thoroughly fascinating exploration of fundamental concepts of identity, love, regret, fate, and more. Loved the main characters, thrilled by the way Blake Crouch wove some very weighty physics into a completely engrossing fictional conflict. Just a wonderful read.
It was a remarkably fun read and you should totally pick it up soon.
I won’t spoil anything for you, but one of the central concepts in the book is the idea of quantum superposition and parallel realities. Basically, every decision you make creates a branch in reality. An alternate (but no less viable) reality exists based on the decision you could have but do not make. And so on and so forth for basically every single occurrence in your life.
Example- In Reality A, you reluctantly decide to take the scenic route home; in Reality B, you take the normal route. A police officer sets a speed trap and gives you a ticket in Reality A, but there are no cops on your route in Reality B so you go unscathed. In Reality A, confirmation bias kicks in and you think “Damn, I knew I shouldn’t have taken the scenic route.” In Reality B, you go along happily with your day. Both realities are viable and a small event set them both into place.
I’m sure my description is somewhat flawed, but I’m not a Quantum Physicist and the last book I read about quantum physics was in the eighth grade so you’ll have to forgive me. You might be best off if you just bookmark this post, buy Dark Matter, read it, and come back to finish
Dark Matter really messed with my head. As I followed the main character as he traveled through various realities, I found myself reflecting on some of the monumental decisions I’ve made that had negative impacts on my life for one reason or another.
The decision I come back to most often is the school I chose for my undegraduate studies.
There were a few benefits to choosing it. My parents were nearby. I had a full-ride scholarship. I already knew a few people that were going to school there. My advisor and I had a great relationship, as well.
But, after spending four years there it was clear I made the wrong choice. It didn’t take long to feel like an academic, political, and spiritual outsider since I didn’t prescribe to many of their conservative theological stances. My eclectic interests resulted in my dorm room being searched for drugs numerous times (often because an anonymous source reported me to campus leadership). I was given community service on campus twice. I even received an F on what I considered to be a well-written paper because I argued for a stance the teacher considered un-biblical (granted, it was a class about the bible). None of this even mentions that the President of the university has a history of unempathetic public disrespect of students under the guise of “holding firm to his values.”
Despite it being the wrong school for me, Dark Matter has actually made me so more appreciative of my choice.
How?
Well, in 2005 I met Ryan Merket at college. He was one of my better friends at school and in 2009 after starting graduate school, Ryan asked me to join his new startup Appbistro. Years after Ryan fired me at Appbistro (yup.), I helped him get a job with me at Reddit (I told him it was my goal to become his boss and fire him). He’s one of my best friends thanks to that awful decision I made. I was an English student with no clue what to do with my life and this was my first foray into tech. Without Ryan, I’d probably be slummin’ still.
But, that’s actually not the most impactful thing that came out of my terrible collegiate decision.
In 2007, I met Sean Anderson. He came to our school to speak and he and I hit it off pretty quickly. He was one of the few contrarian speakers I’d seen at our school to that point. He was starting a church in Bend, Oregon and told me I should visit that summer. He put me in touch with a few people he knew in Bend (Thanks, Heather and Katie) that had a spare couch I could sleep on and I bought tickets for my first Oregonian excursion. My parents weren’t keen on the idea of me being up there (basically) alone, but I had to do it.
I flew into Portland and stayed with a guy named Mitch Gragg that went to my school. Mitch was a basketball player, Pacific Northwesterner, and all around great guy. He’d recently graduated and I was excited to hang out before heading to Bend. He and I went to the Lucky Labrador in Northeast Portland.
After a few minutes of being there, Mitch and I fell into a conversation with two attractive females. I was absolutely enamored. The girl I was talking to was gorgeous. Her hair was so damned punk rock and she called me on my bullshit and I was absolutely in love. That is, until the end of the night when she said I couldn’t have her phone number because she had a boyfriend, but that we could be Myspace friends.
A few years later, she broke up with her boyfriend. We started chatting on Facebook (we’d made the leap from Myspace at that point) and had developed a great friendship. I’d grown more and more in love with her over time and she eventually agreed to go on a date with me. A year later we got married. Yup, that girl was Sallie, my wife.
Because I made this awful collegiate decision, I met Sean Anderson and Mitch Gragg who caused an interaction with a hot girl named Sallie who eventually pitied me enough to go on a date with me. Because I sat through an awful Philosophy of Christian Thought class, I’ve welcomed two amazing sons into this world and get to tuck them into bed every night.
It’s easy to think about my poor decision in isolation, disregarding the butterfly effect that follows. I’ve mapped it over a million times in my head and it’s clear that eliminating my collegiate choice from my story potentially eliminates far more. Maybe I would’ve encountered Sallie some other way, or gotten into tech through some fortuitous circumstance. Maybe. I don’t know.
But what I do know is that the decision I most regret in my life is the catalyst of the best things in my life– a wife that I’m absolutely enthralled by, two children that give me a joy I didn’t even know possible, and a job that gives me profound fulfillment.
I’m not sure I can look at that bad decision anymore and want to do it any differently. It was the best bad decision I’ve ever made.
