I’ve Been Married for Five-Years Now, So I’ve Obviously Mastered This.

Today is my five-year wedding anniversary. The last five years with Sallie have been inexplicable. She’s the perfect person for me. She’s perceptive. She’s patient. She’s beautiful. She’s my best friend. I can’t imagine life without her.

On our wedding day, my vows went something along these lines: “I can’t promise to always put food on the table. I can’t promise to always be patient. I can’t promise to be romantic, or always make the right decision. But, love is a decision to make each day and I promise that I’ll wake up every day and make that decision. I promise that I’ll wake up every day and try.”

Waking up every day and trying for Sallie has been the best commitment I’ve ever made.

When I look back at the last five years, I’ve learned a lot. These platitudes won’t be true for everyone, but they’re definitely true for us. Learning them was hard.

• Humility is incredibly sexy. Be humble more often. (I’m not great at this; Sallie is.)
• When things are hard, simply saying “That sucks” is sometimes the best thing you can say. There’s something inherently comforting when someone recognizes that things suck and doesn’t offer advice.
• Going to sleep mad is okay. You usually wake up and realize you shouldn’t have been mad in the first place.
• Romance isn’t about big actions. It’s about small, regular interactions. It’s a way of thinking, doing, communicating. (I’m also not great at this, but I am working to ensure that expressing my love to her gets more and more vibrant each day.)
• Things rarely go according to plan. It’s better to be flexible than rigid. It’s better to embrace change than to draw your plans in ink.
• The desire to be strong when the other person is weak is profound.
• It’s hard to invest in marital relationships and parental relationships simultaneously, but it’s probably the most important investment you can make. A good, healthy marriage is the foundation to good parenting.
• Flowers magically make a lot of things better.
• Marriage is a partnership. If one party isn’t fully contributing to the partnership, the other party can’t either. It takes teamwork. It takes deliberate focus. It takes listening and collaborating.
• Consistency is important. Responding predictably opens the door to more fruitful ways of handling tough situations. (Caveat: Unless your response is predictably awful and dickish).
• Also, tough conversations shouldn’t wait. Get it out. Now.
• It’s important to focus on what the other person is actually saying, not what you THINK you are hearing. Perception skews truth. Reframing is pivotal.
• If you have to make a decision between what is right for your career and what is right for your family, always choose what is right for your family. Careers, paychecks, promotions are fleeting.
• Kiss each other daily.

I’m excited for the next five years with Sallie. I’m excited to see her change and grow. I’m excited to support her passions and desires. I’m excited to see her become a better mom, a better wife, a better friend, and a better community member. I’m excited to see where life takes us, and what lessons we learn along the way. I’m excited to learn from her leadership and example.

I’m excited that I get to wake up every day and decide to try this with Sallie. And even more excited that she chooses to wake up every day and do this with me.

“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” Albert Camus