18. but when I get my wings…

from “libra season” (published 2018)

Buy: https://www.amazon.com/libra-season-suprihmbe/dp/0578214822/

pressed don’t even begin to describe this feeling

I am holding up rain like overburdened cumulus

I am monsooning inwardly

I am replaying our last conversations

and feeling thirst

was I always this hungry?

I want

I need

I am mistaken

My ego supplanted my id

In my quest to love fluidly

I forgot about returns

but when I get my wings

I will forget our quiet mornings

I will forget your feet next to my face

I will forget kissing your ankles and

your sticky-sweet taste

your fingers pressed against the bed

as you murmured and stretched your neck.

It’s so silly I know

To want to know for sure

The hunger for reassurance as I set myself

at your feet waiting for you to pet my head

return the warmth I gave

I left notes on your altar with my tongue

Hoping my scriptures would give love

I want to forget the ugliness I felt

when doubt was inserted

and how I will never know

whether you ever thought of me as beautiful

or think of me at all.