Finding Deeper Meaning at USAF Summer Camp 2018
Aikido Summer Camp. To most people this sounds like something to send your kids to, but for us… the 450 adults that got to experience it last week, it is something altogether different. We gather together for seven days to train hard and enjoy time with our Aikido family. We celebrate together, mourn our losses, and even bicker and fight like family.
This year was not my first camp. It was the third time I have been and the second time I attended the whole week. This year was difficult for me though for a couple of reasons. First, I’m hurt and I really couldn’t be on the mat much. Probably shouldn’t have been on the mat as much as I was. And Second, one of my friends was testing for black belt and I had hoped to test with her, but could not.
As for the first, my knees were injured last year at camp. I had hoped to be better by now, but have been training too much and frankly just need to stay off of them for awhile. This was made clear to me this camp. While this made it a different camp for me, it opened the door for me to learn many lessons that I would have missed if I had been focused on learning the techniques being taught on the mat.
So what did I learn? I learned that the thing I value most in my study of Aikido is the people that I get to interact with and the quality of the interactions. I realized that, like with any group of human beings, many people at camp are there to relive their childhood and enhance their egoistic view of themselves. To be that which they either were, or wish they were, when they were younger. Often this looked like hard throws and highfalls, while at other times it looked like back biting and bad mouthing of others. We all do it, so I’m not judging anyone in particular, but it did make me sad. The idealist in me wishes we could be more than that. That this could have been a momentous event of deep learning and growth, but then I remember that we each choose our path and how we travel it.
There were those there who had transcended that need to stand out. Who were there to seek something deeper. Who were looking for a way to find the deeper meaning that is available in Aikido. Don’t get me wrong, some of these people also throw hard and take high falls, but the quality of the interaction was different. The connection was there. Sometimes that connection was with me, sometimes with others, but it was there. So, I choose to remember this part of camp.
Watching these two groups taught me that my path is not that of technique. While I need the foundation of the technique to help me learn and meet certain obligations along the way, my path is leading me to something deeper than that. Something that allows me to be happy for my friends who tested, even when I could not. Something that lets me find joy in training with those who cannot move as well, and maybe don’t fall any more. Something that even lets me hope to continue training, truly training, even when I cannot get on the mat for the next several months.
This leads me to the second reason this was a hard week. More than one of my friends tested during camp. They all did great. And I can honestly say that I am thrilled for all of them. More importantly though, I am no longer sad for me. My time will come, or maybe it won’t, but either way I am learning and growing. I am crossing a threshold of understanding that may or may not be marked by a certificate and a belt. But it is there.
This threshold shows me that the deeper meaning in my Aikido is the connection with people. O’Sensei talked about the bridge between Heaven and Earth. I don’t know what he meant, but I saw a bridge at camp. I saw how Aikido flows more when people are connected. I noticed how when two people connect from the center, or from the heart, they can reach a place where pain disappears and joy overflows. We can find a place where peace reigns. This place really is a bridge between Heaven and Earth; between what seems to be this deep well of universal connection where we are all one, and the world where we are divided by boundaries and self.
I also saw how when people choose to not connect, when we choose to separate ourselves from others, we cause pain, both physically and emotionally. We put up the boundaries of self and stop paying attention to others’ limitations and abilities and only focus on what we think is right, whether or not that is either true, or possible. We put our need to know, or be cool or better, ahead of the common good.
I specifically noticed this lack of connection because it was clear that there was a difference in the sensitivity of people who trained with me that had nothing to do with rank. Many white belts connected and adapted to my injuries, while some black belts just wanted to show me how it was supposed to be done with no attention given to individual limitations. At the same time, some people connected wholeheartedly and moved with me even when we never trained together at all. I also saw how this translated to interactions off of the mat. How people would refuse to spend time with people because of boundaries built years ago.
I think the biggest thing I learned at camp this year is that I no longer want to live a life where I am putting up boundaries between me and other people. I have lived a life where those boundaries have protected me from unspeakable things. Those boundaries have kept me safe from the things that I fear. But now I know that the things that I fear are not real. Yes there are dangers, yes I might lose people or objects. Yes, I can be hurt. But none of that hurts more than the separation that is caused by the boundaries I erect.
So thank you to all at camp this year. Thanks to the teachers, the other practitioners, those who were kind, and those who were less kind. Thank you to all of you for helping me to see that the true bridge between Heaven and Earth is how we choose to treat each other and how we choose to let each other in. The true bridge, and the lesson I hope to hang on to is that the most important gift Aikido can give us is not a perfect break fall, or a hakama. It is in fact the love of the people around us. The ability to be with others who hold common values, and even those who do not share our values. The ability to be a part of this huge human race and see the beauty that can be created when we all connect together.
Here are some of the photos of the many people who helped make camp awesome. Not all of them… not by any stretch… but a few.
