Receiving my Black Belt: The New Beginning
It has been awhile since I’ve written an article for our blog. Nine months ago I had knee surgery and it rocked my world a little bit. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to make it back on the mat. Everyone said I would, and yet I was still scared. In fact I still am. My doctors told me I should stop training, and that made me feel lost. Now it is nine months later. I’m still hurt, though no longer feeling broken; and I’m finding a way to train within the limitations that my knee sets. No more of a challenge than anyone who is getting older and trying to continue a physical practice that they love, and yet still a challenge for me.
If you have been following along, then you know that I have been training toward my black belt test for some time now. Thinking about what it means to be a black belt and what the transition would be like. Well, now I can tell you that I have in fact crossed the thresh hold, and I do feel different. It was definitely the pathway to this point that contributed to it…
So about a year ago at United States Aikido Federation Summer Camp, I injured my knee, which led to the surgery in December. After the injury I was determined to change my health and I started a weight loss journey and began working out with a strength trainer. I lost 35 pounds before the surgery. Then after the surgery I put on a lot of muscle, and gained significant amounts of flexibility.
In April I was able to carefully start training again, with some limitations on types of techniques I can do (no knee walking and no hip throws for now). I had to change the way that I do techniques to accommodate my new self. Relearning movement and facing a constant fear that something new would go wrong. The fear of reinjury was the worst. Never knowing what stupid little thing would send me back to the side lines.
My Sensei decided after watching me that he wanted me to finally take my test… though he tried to hide it from me for awhile. He invited my parents and got the rest of the dojo to keep the secret. Then, finally a few weeks before he let me know.
The last few weeks before the test were nerve racking as I tried to make sure I knew enough while also working to not get hurt. My dojo mates trained with me, insuring that my knee stayed strong. And on July 13th I tested. I made mistakes, but in the end I passed.
Everyone told me that the test was just a demonstration and that Sensei would not have let me test if I wasn’t already ready. They were right, but I of course didn’t feel that way until after wards.
Now I wear a different belt. I am excited to have gone through this initiation into a group of serious Aikido students. I am proud of my transition. And I now realize that I was already a serious student. I was already training and learning. But now, I have a belt that lets others know that. It is the communication mechanism, I guess, that helps others understand my mindset at a glance. I’m still not entirely sure what this means for me going forward. I’m not yet sure how I will deal with my continued limitations with my knee. But I have people that will help me along the way.
Now begins the new chapter in this journey. I am a beginner again. I have a lot to learn, and a lifetime to do it.
