HDL Teams and Their Gambling Movie Doppelgangers!
Now that Co-Commissioner Hallahan has provided us with a Power Ranking prior to Week 1, lets get to the real important stuff, which team matches which gambling movie. I will be following the same order as the Power Rankings, so best of luck to every team this year, except Ian & New Mike, for the love of god I thought a 2nd round pick was good value guys!
Falcone – The Gambler (Original & Remake)
Our other Co-Commissioner is tearing down a once great team and trying to rebuild it, a remake if you will. Most of you probably never saw the original, with Jimmy Caan, or the remake with Wahlberg, but both are interesting character studies. There is a plot point where Wahlberg in the sequel has a young college player point shave for him. This plot point is in no way a suggestion about the possible shadow team that Falcone runs with JT as his puppet, just saying.
Best quote “If I give you this money and you don’t pay me back, there are no rules. Do you understand the gravity of your situation?”
Sarklo – Ocean’s Twelve
I think Sarlo has been to Europe once or twice and Hark is as dreamy as Brad Pitt, so this movie fits this team perfectly. It has all the ingredients to be a solid movie, great actors, great director, snappy dialogue, but it just never got there. Just like how Sarklo never seems to get there, but they are great to watch every year try and try and try.
Best quote “You’re going to defend him? He put Yen in a handbag.”
Calhoun – Wild Card
This is a movie I recently found on Netflix that stars Jason Statham in a mashup of an action movie mixed with a gambling movie. The plot is a bit all over the place, it starts and stops, there are a bunch of “oh that guy” guys in it, and its awesomely bad. Which defines the current state of Calhoun’s team, but it’s a hell of a ride to watch. Also, I do have a sneaky suspicion that Calhoun can sneak into one of the Wild Card spots this year.
Best quote “You’re not supposed to like Vegas. It’s juts this creeping virus that people catch sometimes.”
JT- Two for the Money
This Pacino/McConaughey vehicle goes through the world of made for TV gambling experts giving degenerates pick advice every week, and focuses on the mentor mentee relationship of John Anthony, a fictional name and person, and his boss Walter. This again is not a remark on JT being a completely imagined person or anything, just saying is all.
Here is hoping JT breaks out of his old bosses’ shackles and has his own McConaughey type of character arc in the HDL.
Best quote “Most gamblers, when they go to gamble, they go to win. When we go to gamble, we go to lose. Even when we win it’s just a matter of time before we give it all back.”
Head/Frank- Mississippi Grind
Mississippi Grind is an homage to a 70s gambling movie California Split, which we will see later, and it stars Ryan Reynolds and Ben Mendelsohn. Mendelsohn’s character is a terrible gambler, makes rash decisions, and always wants to push his luck, and Reynold’s character spends most of the movie trying to reel him back in.
This is the origin of “Let me talk to Frank”, I want to push our luck, and he spends entire seasons trying to reel me back in.
Best quote:
Curtis: Next time you quit when I say it’s time.
Gerry: Some guys are born to lose.
Chris Black – The Cooler
We go to another early 00s movie with The Cooler for Chris Black’s team. A cooler is a casino employee who walks around ending hot streaks for gamblers on the betting floor. Chris has managed to be a cooler for his own team, after taking it over from Cleve the hot streak has ended, and a self-cooler has been implemented. The movie ends brutally but well for The Cooler, but its going to take some work for Chris to have the same type of outcome.
Best quote “Lootz is kryptonite on a stick.”
Brett & Milzy – Casino
There is a great little nugget in Casino during the first act, where Pesci says, “Back Home Years Ago” and then they cut to a scene of a young DeNiro with a subtitle of “Back Home Years Ago” its great. “Back Home Years Ago” fits this team perfect, BPou will tell you about his title from 3 presidents ago and how it still counts, and blah blah blah, we get it.
Best quote “Frankie the kids still breathing.”
Marino- Vegas Vacation
I can’t explain it, but I am starting to get a Chevy Chase vibe from Marino.
Best quote “Don’t think unnatural thoughts about your cousin, Russ.”
Scott and Dave – Rounders
I have played poker with both guys, but I want them to try and figure out which one I think is more like Mikey, and which one is more like Worm. Rounders is a solid, well done, by the book gambling movie, but its not quite the best. This is where I put Halladerer this year solid, well put together, but there are better teams in the HDL.
Best quote “Mike you should have played those Kings.”
Troy- The Cincinnati Kid
Ranking Troy’s team third is an insult, so let me give the guy a compliment. Troy is the best poker player I know personally. We sat next to each other for literally years and I would watch him crush weaker players, and I did my best to avoid big pots with him, just a top-notch player.
Cincinnati Kid has an ending with an incredible bad beat, and it was impossible to not match the film with Troy, due to his past playoff results. Troy is my pick for 2022 HDL Champ.
Best Quote “I don’t need marked cards to bet you, pal.”
Billy – The Color of Money
Tom Cruise is having a moment and I feel that Billy might be having his moment in the HDL. Billy is a young, confident, trash talking whippersnapper, much like Cruise was in The Color of Money. Billy just needs a Paul Newman type of mentor to steward his growth, maybe Galante has the time, he’s old.
Best quote “(To Carmen about Vincent) We got a racehorse here, a thoroughbred. You make him feel good, I teach him how to run.”
Ian & Mike – California Split
California Split is the greatest gambling movie of all time, it gets to the core of what drives a gambler, the ups, the downs, the highs, the lows, and its directed by the incredible Robert Altman. I think Mike or Ian moved to California and they may have the greatest team in the HDL.
Best quote “Stack ‘em up. Call Howard Hughes and tell him we’re gonna break his bank, too.”
That’s it, happy opening week to everyone.
