Sarlo Calculator continued…
Now that we have gone over the 6 teams that couldn’t combine and create a better team then the number 1 team on this list, lets dive into the big dogs.
A Crumbling Empire- This time last year I was so confident in Calhoun’s team I almost put 20–1 odds on him to win the division. This team was a monster, a machine that looked like it couldn’t be stopped. Calhoun only got into the playoffs last year because the best team in his division went AFK for THE ENTIRE YEAR. Still, the number one player in the league and the only player worth more than 10k (more than Poo’s whole team)will keep you competitive according to the holy one. That and some other overvalued players like Carlos Hyde keep him in the top 6. 43,978 points.
Most Improved- Troy took over a playoff team and made them far more valuable according to the Sarlo Calculator. He made some moves he thinks are great like trading Jay Ajayi and Melvin Gordon so he could acquire a rookie RB on Jacksonville… Nothing can go wrong there. Too bad his best player is about to be suspended for a few games. Either way, if he loses a $20 bet to Poo when they play this season his team might go from 46,414 to 6,414 off of principal alone. Let us take a moment to pray to the Sarlo Calulator this happens… A-men.
Next up is Sarl… what? You mean according to the Sarlo Calculator, his team is more valuable then Cleve’s? Interesting. Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry interesting. Cleve coming in with 47,777 points, has Antonio Brown, Julio Jones, Melvin Gordon, and Gronk — all of which should be valued higher than anyone on Sarlo’s team — isn’t enough to push him above the creator of the Divine algorithm.
Finally we have Sar… oh come on. The defending champ? Two of the three best dynasty RBs in the sport? Amari Cooper and the deepest WR core ever assembled. Deepest. Ever. Too bad and sorry to say(not really) Scott and Dave but it looks like you wont be repeating this year because you only have a roster worth 51,666. 3rd place is more like it.
Sarlo’s rookie filled, under-performing WR stuffed, and convict packed roster is worth 52,712 points. Tell us how OH Holy One! It must be the 150 career receptions Sammy Watkins has. Sarlo did shift his not-successful method of only acquiring WRs to only acquiring rookie RBs and super average WRs.
Best of the best- So what have we learned? The only teams we could have guessed that are in the proper spots are 1 and 12. Falcone/Chris and Poo. I wish I could make a joke about this team but I can’t. 69,024 points. Almost 70k and with over 15k more than every other team, the gutter slug is finally going to win a championship. Anyone that wants to be blessed by the Sarlo Calulator, Falcone has provided you with the path of righteousness: Be so incompetent for 3 years that everyone feels bad for you and dumps their best assets into your laps and make sure you have the number 1 overall pick every single year. THAT’S IT! If the strategy of tanking was illegal, Falcone would be in jail. If trade rape was illegal, Falcone would be in jail and Poo would be in therapy. So congrats to the 2018 HDL champs Falcone and Chris. If you think 70k is ridiculous by the way, take a look at this roster. Go ahead. Literally 5 WR1s, 3RB1s and 3 more than competent ones behind them, 2 great QBs, a million TEs… the calculator may be correct after all.