Since Everyone Worships the Almighty Sarlo Calculator…
Based off of Sarlos’ DynastyFFTools value, which is great in many ways and also frustrating as hell when you submit a trade to someone and someone sends you back a picture of the calculator valuing a player at 4–5 1st round picks, here is how all the teams stack up. With that being said let it be known that this is what the league standings are guaranteed to be at the end of the year.
Last Place- In last place at the end of the year we will see none other than BeePoo. There is no secret to why his nickname “BeePoo” stuck, and there will be no shock when his nickname’s nickname “Poo” soon begins to stick. The only player not to crack the 10K mark, having only 3 players over 1,000 points, and with 7 of the 11 other teams having 5 players or more worth more than his most valuable player, Poo might not win a game this year.
Not Last- Some wonder how Head got his nickname. I can assure you its not because he is the head of this league. unfortunately he is much closer to the ass and he dragged poor frank right into the hole with him. Pun intended. With a whopping 12,779 points Head only has one player that cracks 2,000 points and he barely does. Sterling Shepard who is the 9th option on that team at this point.
Last Place- 3rd to last, last, not last, whats the difference? The word ‘last’ looks really odd the more you stare at it. These guys might think last is the weirdest word ever. Last. Martino has 14,288 points after just drafting Dalvin Cook who is worth 4,230. Did I mention last?
Worst Place- Billy Davis still has 19,023 because he has a superman stranglehold on his aging players that still have a lot of value. Let them go man. Why doesn’t he want to get younger and acquire a million draft picks? No one can be sure but he probably doesn't want to be in last. After Tyreek Hill falls off and Kelvin Benjamin shows up to camp weighing 345lbs he might be tied with Poo.
Tanking or Competing- Two teams in this league are clearly very confused. Are they tanking or are they trying to compete. One of them is Mike and Roys dynasty and this is clearly a disagreement between ownership. One of them wants to continue its impressive streak of never missing playoffs while the other wants to acquire picks and build for the future. They’re trying to do both but its a weird half-and-half approach they’re taking. 23,338 points is not winning a championship anytime soon.
Tanking or Competing- Dan Marino would be the second variety in this section. Somehow his team value adds up to 33,583 and I had too triple check how. Apparently, Brandin Cooks, Corey Coleman, Mike Williams, and Jordan Howard are worth more combined than the bottom 4 teams in this league. This team is trending upward but does have inflated value. I accept my punishment by the almighty calculator.