VICTORY LAP — Ep. 11

Recap of Bill Clinton’s Balloons season

JON DORENBOS’ MAGIC SHOW — Nick Sarlo & Mike Hark

I was half tempted to put myself at #1 to spite everyone, but my world class humility and utmost desire to remain objective got the best of me, and so here Hark and I sit at #4.

How’d that work out for ya?

A bit generous if you ask me.

How’d you feel about Bill Clinton’s Balloons who had an historic run to the HDL championship?

By trying to lower everyone else’s expectations, they’re hoping to ease the sting of their team coming up short. By acting like they weren’t expecting to take the league by storm, they’re hoping you think it doesn’t eat them up that despite all their moves and work, they haven’t been able to play for anything more meaningful than being able to draft a division.
Don’t let the sheep in wolf’s clothing fool you. Their roster is scary to look at, but when you get to their FLEX and see just how shallow they are, you can see those tiny, creepy sheep eyes staring back at you, waiting to miss the playoffs for a 3rd year in a row.
Clearly.

I share your desire for objectivity, and objectively your team sucked ass. You managed wins against two stalwarts of the league. But the rest of your season was a race to the front of the draft board. In that sense, you were a winner. Through tricky maneuvering and old-fashioned sucking you wound up with four first round picks.

You easily could blame your lack of success on injuries. And if you did that I would point out all the other reasons your team sucked. But thankfully, you traded away most of those guys. Clearly you saw there were issues deeper than injuries with your roster.

Dez, Nuk, and Cobb all gone. And for what? For a couple of post-hype WR and a few first round picks. But I see the road you’re taking here. Following in the footsteps of Head and The-Owner-Formerly-Known-As-Mealy, you plan to stockpile rookies and shoot straight from the bottom right to the middle. Bold.

S.P.S (Scott’s Post Script)

You know, for a league that is so quick to throw “collusion” accusations around, I am stunned to have gone through a whole championship season without a single person realizing the colluding that took place between Bill Clinton’s Balloons and Jon Dorenbos’ Magic Show. I mean, how else could a team that was only ranked as the fourth best team in the league in the preseason due to “world class humility” lose both of their matchups against the seventh best team described as a “sheep in wolf’s clothing”?

In fact, not only did Sarlo and Hark drop every matchup they had against Hallahan and I, but I went back and looked… they didn’t outscore our team in any of the 16 HDL regular and postseason weeks. I mean, is there any explanation besides collusion to explain how Sarlo’s better team looked so much worse than ours?

Go ahead… Ask Sarlo if our teams participated in collusion.

Let’s be clear: Moving forward, we cannot have the best teams in our league putting up such pathetic numbers on the scoreboard. The ruse is up and I won’t stand for any more of these shenanigans! Part of me is really sad that none of you were able to pick up on the collusion of the century between our two dynasties. The tears really keep me up at night sometimes!

I guess I’ll try drinking a glass of warm milk out of my :mug: to help fall asleep.