Victory Lap — Ep. 4

SCOTT STERLING’S FACE — STEVE CALHOUN

What a massive disappointment. After being widely, if not unanimously, picked to win your division and contend for the championship, you shit the bed. You almost lost your division to a guy we kicked out of the league for not setting his rosters four times throughout the year. You did lose your division to Brett. Let’s take some time to let that marinate.

Sucks to suck, Calhoun. But this isn’t about how you’re worse than Brett. It’s about how you’re worse than me. And over three years, I’ve done nothing but prove it every chance I’ve been given. 206.6–168.5, 193.1–165.1, 120.7–107.2. You’ve never beaten me and you never will.

Look at your team! The only good player is a mentally unstable prima donna who has no shred of compassion when it comes to the well being of inanimate objects. And you’ve got a player named Danielle. It’s 2017, chicks can do anything. But if they’re on your football team, real or otherwise, you’re gonna have a bad time. You lack depth. So, too, does your fantasy team.

S.P.S. (Scott’s Post Script)

If I can be sincere for a moment…

Calhoun, you are the most consistent friend I have. Have you ever heard the expression that something is so consistent you can set your watch by it? Well everyone in this league can certainly feel safe setting their watches by Calhoun not winning a championship.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a guy like you in our fantasy leagues. You host events, you’re an active contributor to conversations, heck you even make the offseason meetings worth attending! Speaking of The Summit, maybe you can put together a PowerPoint for how you’ve never won a Heinbowl or NL Only League Championship. I’m sure the accompanying charts would be very compelling!

Lock of the Year: Calhoun doesn’t win the 2017 Heinbowl mug. I’ll be setting my watch by it.