Week 6 HDL Power Rankings
BRING UP THE REAR TIER
These two teams are definitely the leagues’ worst. They’ll likely fight it out each week to impress upon us just how bad they are.
12 — Mike and Roy’s Dynasty (1–4, -1)
With Dalvin Cook’s injury, I thought this spot would securely be Ian’s. Looks like Abaum asked Ian to hold his beer and then went ahead and had 11 of 14 starting positions score in the single digits. And the hits just keep coming. Ty Montgomery goes down and Jamaal Williams gets immediately jumped on the depth chart by Aaron Jones. We stand corrected, Mike. The bottom is yours.
11 — Dalvin and the Chipmunks (1–4, +1)
Also not good. Jerrick McKinnon and Wayne Gallman should get decent workloads which should keep this teams floor above Mike’s. And if Carson Wentz throws for four TD each week, Ian may even get another win.
THE END IS NEAR TIER
These three teams probably had higher ambitions than what appears likely at this point. They aren’t out of the playoff conversation yet, but they’re damn close.
10 — VIVA LA FRANCE (1–4, E)
Four first round picks last year and what appeared to be a few solid pieces to being with, it really shouldn’t be this difficult. But ask Sharklo, the struggle is most definitely real. Despite Mixon and McCaffrey finding the endzone for the first time and David Njoku seemingly stepping into his own, this team still sits at 1–4 and their sights are probably looking toward next year sooner than they would have wanted.
9 — Not Today Satan (2–3, -1)
Remember when Zero RB was under the microscope last year when Sarlo was touting the strategy and implementing it? Sarlo’s team didn’t pan out, but it wasn’t necessarily the RB backs fault. Why are we talking about Sarlo? We aren’t, we’re talking about Zero RB. The idea that you shouldn’t invest heavily into RB because of the fragility of the position your assets are better invested elsewhere. Billy’s team is an example of why this strategy can work. After starting Mike Gilbert and Johnny Hill, he’s backed his way into productive weeks from Javorious Allen, Aaron Jones, and Elijah McGuire.
So stop valuing your RB so high and check your inboxes for offers I have sent to you.
8 — Hooked on a Thielen (2–3, -1)
This was a down week for a team that is predictably prone to down weeks. He’s still scored in the top half more than he hasn’t and he should be able to steal a few more wins as the season continues. Bye weeks and variance will bring their fair share of losses as well. Basically this team is the Jaguars. They’ll win, but they still suck. Right, BPou?
ONE WILL SHED A TEAR TIER
Assuming there are no surprises from the teams already mentioned, one of the follow four teams will be on the outside looking in come playoff time.
7 — The Kareem Cheeses (2–3, +2)
After Ty Montgomery’s injury Head declared his team fucked.
And the roller coaster continues. After I wrote his team off he puts up the top score of the week and his first 200+ performance of the year. The bad news is the hits keeping come to a weak WR group. Sterling Shephard is week-to-week with an ankle injury. If/when he does come back, he should be looking at a heavy share of the teams targets thanks to injuries to every other WR that has ever played for the Giants.
There are still questions for this team. Alex Smith has already done something he’s never done before, thrown for 300 yards twice in a season. Can he keep up the production? Can Will Fuller MCXVII keep up his efficiency and score 22 TD this season?
6 — Asshat Cowboys (4–1, -3)
Calhoun’s team was the hardest to rank. I said during the pre-season his team was AJ Green and OBJ. But even on weeks where they underperformed his team put up quality numbers. But as we all know, there will be no more OBJ this year. That hurts. That means the likes of Eric Decker, Marqise Lee, Zay Jones, John Ross, and (hopefully for this week only) Trent Taylor will see some starts. That doesn’t seem like a good thing. Add to it that despite appearing to play well in the first four weeks Carlos Hyde will need to stay hot to stay on the field, according to coach Kyle Shanahan.
The arrow is clearly point down for this team, maybe 6 is too far down. But I don’t think so.
5 — MEHrino’s MEHn (3–2, +1)
Last week saw Troy scoring his best of the year and getting a loss anyway. This time is was MEHrino’s turn as he finally broke 160 getting all the way up to 173.5. Unfortunately for him Bartell was Ping with his D this week and Dan found himself in the midst of the stream.
Adrian Peterson being moved clears up a few more touches for Ingram and maybe, maybe makes Peterson a viable start. Either way, he’s gotta be feeling good about raising his teams scoring ceiling and will look to build on the success by beating up on BPou.
4 — Mealey’s Taco-ver (3–2, +1)
Leonard Fournette finally broke a big run and continues to cover up for the fact that Jay Ajayi isn’t getting it done. He’s been managing to get it done without Luck and will need to do so for another few weeks.
I’m not totally convinced his ceiling is higher than MEHrino’s, but the two of them are battling atop their division for the time being.
3 — Hilary Clinton’s Email (2–3, +1)
How should I defend my team so that people won’t assume I’m just biased?
The loss hurt, but putting up the weeks third best score is definitely a silver lining. I think my team is better than the rest in this tier (thanks OBJ), but I’m not entirely convinced that’s true.
TEAMS TO FEAR TIER
2 — Gronk Lives Matter (4–1, E)
This team is still pretty reliant on the Bradonking, but as they proved this week they can win without the combo. Having the Muscle Hamster back adds some RB depth and will help overcome and Brady/Gronk shortcomings.
1 — Gutter Slugs (5–0, E)
I remembered this morning when Falcone said “OJ Howard will only rise in value” earlier this year. It was laughable then and it’s laughable now. I wanted to point that out in the power rankings because there are very few negative things to point out about Falcone’s actual team. Then I went and looked and was reminded he traded Howard so I can’t really even mock him for it. That’s the kind of year Falcone is having.
