The Curious Case of Reluctant Belonging
How to attract members who don’t want to join your club.
As the saying goes, “I don’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as one of its members.” The quote is famously attributed to comedian Groucho Marx, but it’s something anyone hesitant about identifying with a certain marginalized group might say.
You know that feeling — part timidity, part dread, part shame. It’s not that you don’t crave social connection; it’s that you rightfully fear the judgment or rejection of other less-accepting people. You understand the great risk it can take to claim kinship with a stigmatized community. You would rather keep your story private than be vulnerable and share a taboo experience. Let’s face it: none of us wants to be shunned simply for being who we are.
Whether it’s related to sex, money, addiction, health or some other unmentionable thing, there are countless scenarios that trigger an ambivalence toward belonging. Imagine: The high-achieving woman worried what her coworkers will think about her menopause symptoms interfering with her productivity. The millennial man anxious about whether his date would care about his receding hair line. The trying-to-conceive couple feeling more distant from their parenting peers because of an “unexplained infertility” diagnosis. The troubled teen afraid to confide in their friends about a drinking problem. The hardworking husband ashamed of struggling to make ends meet. These are among countless individuals who do actually “belong” to a vast community but who may feel utterly alone.
Social isolation is the very reason that people would benefit from joining a supportive “club.” After all, the U.S. Surgeon General called our society’s “epidemic of loneliness” an “under-appreciated public health crisis that has harmed individual and societal health.” But how do you invite people into a membership in a way that’s inviting, not intrusive? Transformative, not transactional? Enlightened, not exploitative?
At Hellen, we’re obsessed with helping brands and businesses understand how to deepen relationships with people. Here are a few standout examples of how to create a sense of community for members who are reluctant to belong.
🗣️ Truth telling to break taboo
The first step in breaking taboo is to simply talk about it. The Hims brand launched in 2017 with provocative (some would say controversial) ads designed to flip cultural norms and stigmas around men’s health and grooming. The eye-catching visuals (an erect cactus comes to mind) and candid messaging (“to have an issue isn’t weird; not handling it, that’s weird”) set out to prove that men’s wellness topics like erectile dysfunction shouldn’t be, er, shall we say, hard to talk about.
Shedding light on an underrepresented issue doesn’t have to involve a flashy marketing campaign. Small gestures can make a difference, too. Midi, the first virtual care clinic made exclusively for women over age 40, grabbed people’s attention when CEO Joanna Strober wore a “Menopause Is Hot” T-shirt onstage at the Fortune’s Most Powerful Women summit in 2023 — a cheeky and empowering message for a population that is often overlooked.
Bottom line:
When normalizing taboo topics, sensationalism isn’t the point; candor is.
🌟 Cultural cachet to forge influence
Beyond talking about their own products and services, brands need to participate in (and lead) conversations with trusted cultural influencers to demonstrate an authentic connection to communities they care about. Talkspace, the online behavioral health company, celebrated Mental Health Awareness Month with a campaign in partnership with world champion swimmer Michael Phelps to raise awareness about the positive impact of therapy, knowing that Phelps had a powerful story to tell (literally, “therapy helped save my life”).
Similarly, women’s healthcare clinic Origin enlisted the star power of comedian Ilana Glazer to make hush-hush health issues more mainstream. Who knew that Glazer’s experience with pelvic floor physical therapy would be profiled in Vogue magazine? Of course, celebrity endorsements aren’t the only way to shift culture. To coincide with Valentine’s Day, for example, Origin launched The Visual Art Gallery (VAG), an online gallery that highlights emerging yet relatively unknown artists whose work celebrates women’s self-care and healing.
Bottom line:
When aligned on brand beliefs and values, the right influencers will genuinely take up the mantle of your mission.
📊 Proof points to quell doubt
Snake oil salesmen prey on the insecurities or weaknesses of a vulnerable audience. In contrast, trustworthy brands quash any skepticism about the integrity of their business by showcasing verified claims and real-life stories of success, front and center.
Hinge Health, a digital clinic with the goal of making high-quality musculoskeletal (MSK) care accessible to everyone, published the results of a large-scale study to prove that its solutions significantly reduced pain, surgeries, depression and anxiety. The company’s digital Learning Center includes peer-reviewed clinical studies, case studies, white papers and testimonials, validating the effectiveness of online exercise therapy. All this evidence backs up their messaging of “Trusted care. Proven results.”
In addition to data-driven evidence, human-centered storytelling also reassures members. Brightside, an employer benefits company that aims to improve the financial health of working families, highlights personal testimonials and real-life stories across its website. These quotes establish a sense of comfort about a taboo topic (money) that is often cloaked in stress, shame and overwhelm.
Bottom line:
Success stories aren’t about tooting one’s own horn; they’re about signaling trust.
✔️ Vetted voices to establish expertise
In addition to hard evidence, memberships also benefit from social proof, or the idea that people’s decisions are influenced by others. A follow-the-herd mentality can be dangerous or lead you to dead ends, but it can also build confidence, if you’re following the right leaders.
In the fertility space, for example, there is an abundance of old wives’ tales, myths and ‘’hacks’’ that promise to help women get pregnant faster (but are generally nonsense.) That’s why the founder of Doveras built an online fertility and preconception support platform in collaboration with leading researchers and doctors. The entire experience is rooted in an evidence-based, expert-led approach, with messaging to match: “doctor recommended”, “developed with world-leading science,” and “powered by the world’s largest clinical trial database.”
Sometimes, the best validation comes from the experts within an organization, not from third-party outsiders. Gender-affirming healthcare startup Folx makes it clear that 81% of its team identifies as LGBTQIA+, embodying the true meaning of inclusive healthcare designed “by us, for us.”
Bottom line:
Stamps of approval matter. They let people know they are in a safe space.
🧶 Cozy connections to encourage dialogue
Memberships feel more special when they prioritize individual connections and meaningful interactions between real people.
Rompy, a sexual wellness brand for Gen Z, intentionally launched on TYB, the Web3-driven community rewards platform, to incentivize its members to connect digitally and in real life. Endearingly known as “Rompers,” members participate in the evolution of the brand through product co-creation (i.e. “vote on your favorite color”), as well as completing “challenges,” answering questions to create new content, and chatting with fellow community members about their experiences with sex, pleasure and intimacy.
In the addiction recovery space, The Luckiest Club (TLC) is an online community that provides support for individuals who are reevaluating their relationship with alcohol. For $22 per month, members get access to support meetings, courses and workshops, gatherings (including book clubs and dance parties) and a private community forum to help them navigate their journey to sobriety. It reflects one of the “essential truths” of sobriety espoused by TLC Founder Laura McKowen: “You can’t do it alone.”
Bottom line:
Nothing replaces the intimacy of human-to-human conversations.
Interested in evolving your membership model to deepen a sense of belonging with your hard-to-reach or reluctant customers? Get in touch with our Hellen team: contact@heyhellen.com
