10 Signs Your Mindset on Marriage Is a Mere Contract
Established on ridiculous norms of Indian philosophy.
Did your parents also feed you with bullshit that marriages work only if one compromises (a.k.a it’s a contract)? If not, congratulations. This means that either you belong to a western country where marriages work on compatibility and not compromises or you’re really lucky to have Indian parents who don’t give a damn about the society. But if your parents believe in the idea of compromising as the only solution for a healthy working marriage, you’re pretty much screwed whether you agree or not.
Below are few of the mind-blowing fun facts you definitely must’ve heard or will be hearing them soon, so buckle up:
- Let’s start with the most obvious one, you must learn to adjust and share whatever your spouse has to offer and it is inclusive of housing, car, finance, mental abuse, domestic violence, etc. (And yes, that was sarcasm)
- Marriage is a race and no matter whether you win or lose, you have to cross the finish line. And when you try to question them about this ideology, they’ll come up with something like “there’s no place for people with failed marriages in the society”. (Bullshit!)
- Failed Marriage = Sad life. As there’s no proof of this statement being true, there’s absolutely no proof of it’s opposite being true.
- Marrying the one who thinks alike is key to a successful marriage. (Lol)
- Now here comes the most important one, if you have no issues then you must continue it even when it doesn’t feel right and you feel nothing for the person. (But don’t they say - no reason to stay is a good reason to go?)
- Jumping to my personal favourite which is typically based on gender stereotypes that to be a good wife you have to be a good daughter-in-law, and guys, that has nothing to do with respecting your in-laws but a women must learn how to be an ideal maid. While a good husband must work and provide for the family financially. There’s no such thing as a ‘stay-at-home-father’ or ‘house husband’.
- The most trending, one should marry in their own caste/ religion. (This one needs no comments. I hope so.)
- An Arranged marriage lasts longer than a Love marriage. In my opinion I disagree with it because in arranged marriages families are more involved than the couple themselves and our elders just can’t hear the word no. Whereas in love marriages, a couple is more flexible and open about their interests and they’d rather end things on a good page than continuing it to a point where it’s nothing but toxic. Now some of you might object by adding facts like — arranged marriage offers more spice to life as one gets the opportunity to explore a completely new person while in love marriage it’s not the case, agreed. But how’s it any better than a gamble? At least in love marriage even if it doesn’t work out, they know what they are getting themselves into.
- A child can save your marriage. It is an absolute myth and there’s no point of bringing a new life just to fix something because it’s not going to solve your problems. It’s probably for the best to not make someone’s entire existence a game play.
- This last one is quite similar to the previous. Do it for the sake of your children. If that’s what you’re doing then voilà!’ It is going to mess up with their idea of relationships as well. (And you wouldn’t want that, would you?)
“We must reject not only the stereotypes that others have of us but also those that we have of ourselves.” — Shirley Chisholm
By no means you should give into these stereotypes which the society has labelled as formula for a successful marriage. Although, there are ups and downs in every married couple’s life and one must work on it. But that has nothing to do with the feeling of being trapped due to some kind of fallacy fed to us by others. The only place that you should be staying is where you feel you belong.
