100 Dates in Houston: Love is a Numbers Game
100 dates to find the love of my life.
Remember that dream you quit a long time ago? How would you feel if an angel appeared and said you had given up on that dream too soon, just moments before your big breakthrough? Personally, I would be sick to my stomach. Hopefully, what I’m about to tell you will save you from quitting too soon.
While scrolling TikTok recently, I encountered a video that stopped me like a deer in headlights. In the video, multi-millionaire, Alex Hormozi, explained that to attain any level of success, volume is necessary.
For a majority of us, this presents a real problem. In today’s era of social media, we’ve become conditioned to instant gratification. Instagram makes success look like an overnight phenomenon, TikTok creates viral sensations within hours, and — perhaps the most impactful — almost no one shares their losses.
However, true success grows in the soil of volume.
From the volume of applications required to land that dream job, the volume of days spent in the gym to see muscle gains, or the volume of people you must date to find love, many of us won’t put in the reps and give up before success is realized.
Check out Alex’s video below.
I will not be one of those people who creates a little volume and then runs crying in defeat when results are not yet realized.
I’ve decided to apply the concept of volume to my creative endeavors, but also to my love life.
And guess what? I’m going to share that journey with you all!
100 Dates in Houston
Welcome to the 100 Dates in Houston blog series! I’m endeavoring to go on 100 dates in Houston, Texas to find the love of my life. I’ll be taking you along as I experience the highs, the lows, and the lessons!
Ultimately, I hope to also share my final victory. Whether the love of my life is date number 24 or 94, I will share it with you all! Worst case scenario, if my husband is supposed to manifest at date number 101, I suppose I’ll have to start a 150 Dates in Houston blog series. But precious Lawd, please don’t let that be the case.
Before we get started, there are some things you should know about me beyond the fact that I am a psychotherapist and a writer. Let’s get personal. . .
My Story
As a 38-year-old single woman, I’ve tried everything in my quest for love and life partnership. As a therapist myself, I’m not ashamed to say I’ve participated in YEARS of therapy to “work’ on myself and heal childhood conditioning. I’ve created vision boards to train my brain to see and believe what I desire. I’ve prayed . . . boy, how I’ve prayed. And I’ve written prayer lists to ask God for what I want. From Why Men Love Bitches to Men Don’t Love Women Like You, I’ve read ALL the books. With each disappointment, I gained perspective on where I went wrong, pulled myself together, and attempted to do better next time.
Did I mention I’ve spent thousands of dollars on dating coaches?
I will never get over spending $4000 to work with a coach who claimed she could get women like me married. During our consultation call, she skillfully tapped into my pain points and asked me what would be different if I finally connected with the love of my life. The tears began to flow as I shared dreams deferred like how I wanted to see my parents have grandchildren and carry on a legacy.
She was a great coach. I gained valuable insight during our work together and created a powerful sisterhood circle with the other ladies in the program.
But I still have not seen the full return on that investment. Not only am I unmarried, I’m still very single.
The disappointment is real, but one thing I’ve never been built to do is give up on something I truly desire. Your girl is resilient and that is the foundation for 100 Dates in Houston.
Why Houston?
After a year and a half of traveling as a digital nomad, in 2023 I moved halfway across the country from New Jersey to Houston, Texas. The pace is slower, the price tag is cheaper, and the quality is better. Not to mention, the Black people here are thriving! In theory, this means it should be easier to connect with my type of guy.
I tested this theory in 2021 and stayed in Houston for a month and a half during my nomad journey. I made quite a few connections during that short time and went on about 5 dates.
With having that type of success in just a month, I figured surely I could meet my match with an extended stay. Right?
So, on April 7, 2023, I packed my little convertible to the brim and began the 1700-mile journey, with my Yorkie in the backseat and my mother riding shotgun.
I was brand new to the city and ready to find lasting love.
Why 100?
The thought of going on 100 dates may feel extreme, especially considering I am no spring chicken and have gone on countless dates over the years.
However, I believe that setting my sights on 100 will shift and strengthen my mindset as I go through the highs and lows that make dating so difficult. You see, through repetition, we become proficient. We develop knowledge, strength and skills that would have been impossible to possess without repetition.
In the coaching world, that shift is known as The Journey Mindset — it cost me $4000 to learn.
Rather than having a destination mindset and focusing solely on my ultimate goal of life partnership, The Journey Mindset will allow me to focus on the next step and experience the transformation in each step. If making it to 100 is the goal, I may need to overcome 99 disappointments and learn 99 lessons, with each lesson putting me a bit closer to my end goal.
It’s one thing to be frustrated that guy number 56 was not the love of my life and experience the utter confusion and hopelessness of wondering when my time will come. It’s another thing to know that I still have 44 more chances to explore. One breeds hopelessness; the other, hopefulness.
The Parameters
Although the volume of dates is my primary goal, I will NOT be attaining those dates by any means necessary.
I am a woman with standards and it’s 2023. Most women are better off single than in an unhealthy relationship and I am no different. I don’t subscribe to the idea of being in a relationship just to be in one, nor will I go on a date just to go on one.
In order to land one of my 100 dates, I must find the man:
- Attractive (physically, intellectually, or emotionally)
- Respectful
- Ready to settle down — At the first sign of instability or immaturity of any kind, I will move on.
I have additional standards to help with vetting that I will share in future posts, but these are my baseline for a first date. Although I want volume, quality still reigns over quantity. If that means it will take two years, versus one, so be it!
Kindness will guide my decisions and behavior. Each man will be treated with respect and gratitude for the time, energy, and resources he spends on me. There will be no ghosting or manipulation. This journey is about doing my part to find partnership; not getting free meals or seeing what I can milk out of men. She who desires love must be loving. I can’t help but wonder what would happen if every single person took this approach. Maybe the dating pool wouldn’t seem so pissy.
If you’re a single person, discouraged on your quest for love, I encourage you to subscribe and follow my journey. It will be full of vulnerability and transparency, with sprinkles of psychotherapy and life coaching insights. I plan to leave your mind — enriched, your will — inspired, and your heart — seen.
Until next time,
Kaity
