3 Differences Between Being in Love and Loving Someone

How to figure out whether it’s love — or just something more temporary.

The Good Men Project
Hello, Love
Published in
5 min readDec 12, 2019


Photo credit: Scott Broome on Unsplash

By Jordan Gray

We are never taught about being in love growing up. It’s mind-blowing that we receive zero formalized training around arguably the most significant area of our entire lives.

One of the things that many of my clients have asked me about over the past several years is how to know whether or not they’re in the kind of love that leads to a long-term emotionally fulfilling relationship.

More specifically, they want to know if they’re in love with their partner (and the emotional honeymoon will soon fade away) or if they actually love them, in a way that will last.

‘Is It Real Love or Am I Just in Love?’

I had a client come to me last year with a question that I’ve been asked in many various forms before.

“I’ve been dating this guy for the past four months, and I feel really good about him. We have a lot of compatibility in a lot of different areas. He feels like he’s fast becoming my best friend (in a good way), we have amazing conversations, and we both find each other sexually attractive. Since we just rounded the four-month mark in our relationship, I know that the initial chemical high of our early romantic attachment is starting to wear off, and we’re settling into something different.

So my question is… what should I be looking for in this new phase of our relationship that signals our long-term compatibility? After the big dopamine flood of how most relationships start… how do I know if this is the real thing? What signals can I notice in my body, my behaviour, or our interactions that signal our long-term compatibility?

Put simply, we have already been ‘in love’… now, what does the emerging, authentic act of ‘loving’ look like?”

(Side note: we worked together, I helped her navigate the tricky emotions, and they’re now one of my most happily married clients! Yay! But I digress…)

You’ve likely been in a similar situation at some point in your personal journey.



The Good Men Project
Hello, Love

We're having a conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Main site is https://goodmenproject.com Email us info@goodmenproject.com