3 Things That Stop Men From Searching for Higher Ground
In our world of unparalleled communication technology, so much energy is directed to the animosity between men and women.
In our world of unparalleled communication technology, so much energy is directed to the animosity between men and women.
Men and women have differences in how they’re hardwired. He has a difficult time with communication and is emotionally unattached. She is trying to heighten her standards.
Despite their afflictions, or maybe because of them, it’s easy for people to turn to their other and blame them. Scold them. Solicit more effort.
Here are three things that keep you from finding the higher ground.
1. The Ladies Like Attention
But sometimes it can hurt. Hurt feelings crop up in all sorts of places. Letting her social life scare you. Bitterly compromising. Complaining or blaming or finger pointing stop you from finding a place of respect and love. This is why we have a hard time together.
Sometimes, it will be easy to oversimpify. A look at the situation leads you to conclude “oh she’s lying.” But how do you connect with that in mind. It’s a kind of dismissal. You’ve got to consider how much effort you’re putting in before you correct for that and after. How much can you understand about her after you’ve stopped that narrative?
Patience is something we can all use more of. Patience with yourself in times you could be hurt or dismissive is particularly valuable. A lot can bear down on your mind when you suspect lying or complaining from a toxic standpoint. A lot can bear down when you let suspicions invade your mind.
2. Men’s loneliness and lostness
It takes a special type of person to want to rearrange their tastes and priorities. Watching her TV and listening to her music. Perhaps putting your own interests on hold for a while. Maybe this is exactly the start we need.
Consider the societal pressures women bear.
He is expected to achieve, and he is supported more frequently than her. But she deals with a lot more than her male counterparts. She is not as supported and encouraged.
Then he ends up talking down to her. Or he ends up getting angry. This isn’t the high road. The suspicions and the hurt arise in the mind, and the angry, blaming words follow closely. Moments like these are pregnant with love and mutual respect if only we can seize it.
So, understanding that the selfish vantage point of a man may have its justifications is one thing. While sharing in mutual interests, and being mutually interested is another. It’s not easy to ease out of selfish tendencies, but how else do we find the high road?
3. Work Boundaries
Apparently, “invisible labor” is a term that describes work done that isn’t seen. The term is decieving because it implies that the results cannot be felt or seen. That’s the case with many relationships where a man has lost his search for higher ground, and doesn’t notice how much she’s doing to make his life easier. But this work doesn’t have to be “invisible.”
Even if he really is searching for higher ground, what may become invisible is his efforts amidst the dirty dishes and unkept belongings.
Appearing below are lyrics from Broken Bells’ song “The High Road”
’Cause they know and so do I
The high road is hard to findIt’s too late to change your mind
You let loss be your guide
Perhaps theres more to this lyric than optimistic thinking. We become what we let out guide be. Where so many conflicts and worries weigh down on him and her, it’s easy to subscribe to the fight. Rest assured, there are better options out there than finger pointing and blaming.
