4 Signs You’re the Problem in the Relationship
Hi, it’s me. I’m the problem. I’m listening as Taylor Swift sings. Sometimes, it’s us who become the anti-heroes of our own stories, although it might hurt to admit it. The current online culture likes to talk about red flags, toxic traits, and more. It can lead to behavior where you always look for what others are doing wrong. But what if this time you’re the problem in the relationship?
Friendly disclaimer: If you can relate to any of these signs, please do not take it as an attack on your character. This article is meant to be a self-improvement guide for those feeling a little stuck. The information comes from research as well as through the author’s personal experiences. Hope it helps.
1: Are you using a relationship as a maladaptive coping mechanism?
People with unacknowledged internal issues tend to go into relationships that make them feel temporarily okay. But no matter how much you sugarcoat it, there’s no change in the fact that they’re treating their relationships as unhealthy or as maladaptive coping mechanisms. Maladaptive coping mechanisms are behaviors that don’t resolve the problem in the long term and may actually increase the harm, according to Karen Mind of Well-being Support Service. For example, people who are insecure about their weight may seek partners who constantly reassure them. They become dependent, and during times of conflict or even breakups, the loss of validation causes them to go down a spiral of self-hate, insecurity, and frustration. They might end up not only hurting themselves but also the people around them. It’s normal to find comfort in your significant other, but if you’re only with them out of dependence and desperation, it may be time to look inward and face what’s truly bothering you.
2: Do you have the coconut crab mindset?
The coconut crab was found to have the strongest grip of any animal. They can use their claws to crack open coconuts, hence the name. You might be asking why are we talking about crabs and coconuts. Didn’t I click on a Sectico article? Well, friends, because the coconut crab’s grip is super strong, it also causes tremendous pain to whoever it latches onto. It’s the same thing with relationships. Whoever you’re in love with now may not be the same person you’re in love with in the future. People evolve, their music tastes change, their love language transforms, as do yours. And even though it’s bittersweet, it’s a normal part of life. It may sound romantic to hold on to someone and never let go, but do you believe you’re allowing your partner to grow and change with how you’re currently treating them?
3: Too much IDA (Internet Display of Affection)
Internet Display of Affection is repetitive online activity by couples who post almost every single thing happening in their relationships. Sometimes it may even be TMI and uncomfortable. The correlation between low self-esteem and high social media usage is no secret. So, if you’re one of the people who can’t help but show everything online, a quick self-checkup may be needed. There’s nothing wrong with posting online, but using it obsessively to gain validation, avoid problems, and promote unhealthy behavior can be detrimental to you and your relationship.
4: Are you the dad who went to get milk?
You may already be familiar with the “my dad went out to get milk and never came back” meme. Although we’ve created humor around the event, it’s sadly true that plenty of people evade responsibilities to the point of even abandoning their own families, relationships, and responsibilities. There’s just no way to get around that. If you choose to be in a relationship, you’re choosing to devote time, compassion, understanding, and most of all, effort.
Of course, you can always shift your mindset and not think of it so practically, but as we grow up, we begin to understand that relationships need maintenance. As much as possible, don’t be the partner who puts so much of the relationship burden on your other half’s shoulders. It’s best to collaborate on finances, dates, decisions, plans, children’s education, and more. Delegating tasks can be good too. Simply put, “Don’t be the dad who went out to get milk and never came back.” Be the one who bought cereal too, smiling as they head back home. Recognizing your flaws is a crucial step towards building healthier relationships.
Thanks for reading, and see you next time.
