4 Steps to Work With Your Anxious Attachment Style, Not Against It
How to discover your needs and meet them with empathy.
“I’m sorry,” I said anxiously, my voice wavering. I could sense my partner was feeling frustrated. I didn’t know why, but I figured it had to do with me. “Do you still love me?” I asked.
Even though I knew logically she would say yes, multiple questions ran through my head. What did I do? How can I fix it, and quickly? Will she still like me and want to be with me? What will I do if she leaves?
Her irritation had nothing to do with me, of course, but I didn’t know that for sure at the time. This kind of situation is normal for me, no matter how loving and affirming my partner is, because I have an anxious attachment style.
An anxious attachment style is one of four attachment styles that describes how people can act and feel in relationships. They’re all a part of attachment theory, created by psychologist John Bowlby. As far as anxious attachment styles specifically, signs in adults can include low self-worth, worrying your partner will leave you, being dependent in relationships, needing frequent assurance your partner loves you, being overly sensitive to your partner’s moods, and more.
