5 Less Common Secrets to a Successful Relationship

Dr. NerdLove offers five pieces of advice for a happy relationship that actually work.

Photo credit: iStock

By Harris O’Malley

One of the trickiest parts of having a happy, successful relationship is, frankly, the relationship itself. Much like most of dating[1], we are given next to no instruction on how to make a relationship work. If we’re lucky, we have our parents as role-models to pattern ourselves after. All too often, however, we’re left to our own devices with only the vaguest notions of what a relationship is supposed to be like based from ideas we’ve absorbed from pop-culture and the vague idea that if we love each other enough, everything will work out in the end.

Of course, this doesn’t work well; in fact, many people get trapped in abusive or exploitive relationships simply because they think “that’s just how relationships are.” But even under the best of circumstances, we only learn these lessons through fucking up over and repeatedly. And while some people do need to touch the stove before realizing that it’s going to burn you, most of us would probably appreciate a warning or two before we end up making an unscheduled trip to the burn-ward.

It’s worth keeping a few things in mind that help make relationships work.

Fight The Right Way

One of the things I hate hearing more than anything else from couples is “and we never fight”, as though this were something to be applauded. One of the early mistakes people make is assuming that any sort of argument is inherently a bad thing in relationships; if people fight then it’s a sign that their very foundation is flawed and love is a lie, right?

Yeah, not so much.

Whenever I hear a couple pull out this hoary old chestnut, I immediately know one of two things: either they’ve been together for less than 6 months, or that their first disagreement over what to watch on Netflix is going to be like watching Krakatoa blow it’s top.

When couples get into fights, all too often they fight wrong… especially if they’ve bought into the idea that fighting is inherently bad. These blow-ups tend to end up being a referendum oneverything that…