6 Mistakes Parents Make With Their Introverted Children
These mistakes have lifelong impacts on their lives.
I have always felt like an outsider in this world. I have always found myself sitting in the corner, looking at and observing happy people who laugh and chat with each other on any topic with admiration.
I felt anxious talking in front of people; that’s why I remained silent throughout my school years and never asked a question from my teacher. I lived an unhappy life, not by choice but by compulsion.
I needed someone to understand the person I am. I needed someone’s company who could inspire me to live happier. I needed someone whose presence could give me a sense of fulfillment in my life.
But there was no one.
I always met bullies in one form or another. Even my family members bullied me, let alone others.
And they took my silence as my weaknesses.
However, I finally understood what was wrong with me. I was an introvert.
I am not alone who felt like this. Many like me out there are constantly being bullied, ridiculed, and targeted by the people in their surroundings for their introversion.
I believe that introverts can live a happier and more satisfying life from their childhood if their parents know how to treat them.
I blame parents for making mistakes early in the lives of their introverted children that make them more withdrawn and lonely. A little change in parenting can help an introverted kid live a happier and more fulfilled life.
Here are the six mistakes parents make with their introverted children that make them more introverted and unhappier in their lives.
1. Don’t introduce your child as “shy” or “quiet”
Parents often commit a dire mistake in the introduction of their introverted children. They often use the adjectives like “shy” and “quiet” in the introduction of their children, which can rob the children of their confidence.
Such an introduction also puts the child in an awkward situation that leads to social anxiety where they cannot make the best of any situation.
Getting out of the negative experience of these words was hard for me. I battled all my life with social anxiety to talk well in interviews or on stages where I was invited to talk. I also found it hard during the early days of my job as a teacher to teach a class full of students.
Parents can build their child’s confidence by making them feel accepted as they are. Parents should avoid using adjectives that make their introverted children more depressed when introducing them to others.
Instead of using “shy” or “quiet” words, parents can say that their kids talk when they feel like it. They should use encouraging adjectives in their conversation to boost their kids’ confidence.
2. Don’t compare your introverted kid to talking kids
Comparing an introverted child to others, especially extroverted kids, is huge mistake parents make in their parenting. Such a comparison crushes self-esteem and hurts the ego of introverted children because they feel inferior when compared.
I was always compared to my cousins, which made me feel inferior. They were supported in their ridicule of me and were provided space to be more confident.
My parents would often belittle me in front of cousins and neighborhood kids. I know they have done that unintentionally, and maybe they wanted to make me like them, but they didn’t see I was different.
Parents should avoid comparing their introverted children to Tom and Harry or other neighborhood kids. Introverted children should be raised and accepted as they are to make them feel integrated into society.
3. Don’t embarrass your introverted children for being different
Parents often complain about their kids and embarrass them in front of others because they are different.
Parents commit this mistake and shame their children for being different. Making fun of your introverted kids doesn’t make them the way you want them to be, and such an act can leave a far-reaching traumatic impact on your child’s psychology.
My parents ridiculed me for being different from my cousins and other neighborhood kids. They shamed me for not behaving like them. Such an act on the part of my parents would break something inside of me.
Instead of shaming your introverted children for being different, you need to understand their personalities and make them feel that there is nothing wrong with them.
4. Educate your children that they are introverts and that’s not a problem
Parents commit the mistake of thinking that there is something wrong with their children when they don’t talk or show enthusiasm for society. Parents try to change their behaviors with wrong parenting tactics that further alienate them from society.
Instead of thinking of it as something wrong, understand their personalities and make them understand too. Educate them that it’s perfectly okay to be an introvert.
You can help them understand, accept their personalities and live their lives to the fullest. Nurture them in a way that they may live up to their potential.
You can read here to understand what it is to be an introvert.
5. Encourage their creativity
Introverts are often bestowed with many creative talents such as painting, writing, sculpting, and composing. They are naturally gifted with keen observations and creative faculties.
I wrote a lot of good poetry in my childhood. My uncle tore my copies. I could play the piano very well. They banned me from playing the piano. Even the sketches I made were put to the fire because they thought such activities did me no good.
They thought it a shame for them that other kids were so social, and I spent my time lonely and unsocial. These acts further isolated me from my parents and family, and I felt more and more unfit for society.
Don’t discourage them if your kids are introverts and love to paint, write, or play an instrument. Instead, encourage their creative potential and join them in it to make them feel connected and valued.
6. Spend quality time with your introverted children
Not spending quality time with your children affect them negatively. Whether your children are introverts, they need your little quality time out of your busy schedule, and you must give them time to raise them well.
However, introverted children spend most of their time alone, and they don’t want to be in company. Still, you need to spend quality time with them whenever you get time.
Quality time means that you should be physically and mentally present to answer their questions and show an active interest in their activities.
You should accept and encourage their activities and listen to them when they speak. You should make them feel that you understand them and it’s good to be around them.
Final Words
Introverts battle on many fronts throughout their lives to live happier lives. Their lives are primarily shaped by their parents’ attitudes towards them during their childhood.
Parents want the best for their children and want them to excel in different fields. They see other socially active children and participate in various activities and debates.
When they observe their children lacking the drive to be like others in the neighborhood, they unintentionally start negatively affecting their personalities.
Parents and other family members commit various mistakes in the upbringing of their introverted children that negatively affect their personalities and life ahead.
A recap of the mistakes parents commit with their introverted children:
- Introducing your introverted children as “shy” or “quiet” robs them of their confidence and a sense of being connected to society. Avoid referring to them as shy or withdrawn.
- Not all children are the same. Comparing your introverted children with their extrovert siblings or neighborhood kids negatively impact their self-esteem and ego. Avoid comparison to let your kids grow at their own pace.
- Avoid shaming your introverted kids for being different. They are different and accept that. Ridiculing them in front of others makes them avoid others throughout their lives.
- Educate your introverted children that it’s completely okay to be different and introverted. Encourage and support your introverted children in their endeavors to live fulfilling lives.
- Introverts are driven by their creativity, and they spend their time reading, writing, painting, and composing poetry or music. They may pursue any other creative activity. Instead of discouraging them, encourage them to passionately follow and utilize their creative genius.
- You can only do all the above good things to your introverted children if you spend quality time with them. They will most likely spend less time with you, and you must utilize that lesser time to the optimum level to make them feel valued and integrated.
