I Saw Him Again 20 Years Later
We parted ways after high school and then he reappeared in the grocery aisle 20 years later.
We met freshman year of high school. Thank God I didn’t hold onto any of my middle school chums because high school turned out to be better in so many ways. As I was learning that there were people out there who actually got my jokes, liked to be around me, and invited me to hang out outside of school, I enjoyed school a lot more.
He was a middle school friend of a new friend I was starting to hang out with. We were doing an after school sport together and then started to have lunch together as well. She introduced us and I suddenly found myself inexplicably drawn to him.
We had a lot in common; we both loved The Simpsons, music was really important to us, and we never took anything too seriously. The more I hung out with him, the more I realized that he was one of my favorite people to be around. Much to my friend’s chagrin, we would make joke constantly and laugh about anything and everything. Suddenly there were a barrage of inside jokes that she never was privy to.
I realized early on that growing up with my brother and male cousins made me gravitate more toward male friends. I knew how to talk like a guy and what guys liked to talk about. I felt comfortable around male friends because they seemed so much less dramatic and judgy than the female friends I tended to make. While my male friends were laid back and immature, my female friends were constantly bickering, jealous, or spreading rumors while pitting one of them against the others.
As freshman year wore on, it became obvious that I had a crush on him. He was goofy but also sensitive and I knew that I enjoyed being around him. He was the easiest person to talk to about anything (even the occasional serious topic) and he was a great listener. He taught me to play the guitar, introduced me to new music, and went with me into the city to hang out at the mall.
Then my friend who introduced us started dating him.
Being the tomboy that I was, I didn’t feign surprise when they announced they were dating. He had told me he had feelings for her and I knew she liked him too. Things didn’t change much except that now they were holding hands and kissing on a regular basis.
Throughout high school, my male friend and I remained close. He continued to date my friend and the three of us would hang out most of the time together. We went to concerts, listened to music, worked at the same fast food restaurant, and went through the ups and downs of being angsty teenagers.
When we graduated, I went off to college and lost touch with my two friends. They didn’t go to college and it was easier to just try to focus on school instead of trying to hold onto high school friendships.
As the years passed, I would occasionally think about my friend. I wondered what happened to him and what he was up to. Was he still in our hometown? Did he end up with my friend? Was he happy?
Eventually, Facebook helped to answer those questions. He didn’t marry my friend but instead married someone else from our high school. He still lived in our hometown.
Then I went to our 10-year high school reunion. I had hoped for a Romy and Michelle High School Reunion moment where he would show up all hot and single looking for me (minus his big notebook), but that didn’t happen. Instead, I discovered that I didn’t really hang out with the kind of people who attended 10-year high school reunions and haven’t been back since.
Now fast forward 20 years.
I’m married, have kids, and am frantically trying to gather enough ingredients to entertain my coworkers for an after-work Friday happy hour. I am almost at the checkout line when he calls my name. I turn around and there he is in the middle of Safeway. I recognize him instantly, even though he’s balder, a bit bigger, and showing a little grey.
As we stand next to the cooler of strawberries catching up, I can still think back to all the moments we shared in our youth. They come to me clearly as if they had happened a few days ago and not 20 years ago. The concert where we snuck backstage to meet the band's lead singer we had just seen. The time we ended up in the ER because our friend had cut herself with a kitchen knife. When we sat in a mutual friend’s driveway during the summer drinking our first malt beer and daring each other to keep drinking the disgusting brown liquid. The laughs, my sadness at never getting to kiss him, and the disappointment of never knowing what would have happened between us were right there in the back of my mind as we chatted. I wondered what was going through his mind.
After 20 minutes of Q and A volleying back and forth between us, I could feel my phone buzzing. My friends were already at my house wondering where the frosty Prosecco and snack I had promised were.
I told him it was good to see him and we parted ways. There was no Romy and Michelle moment. We were both married, living lives less than a mile apart.
It felt good and bad at the same time.
Sometimes we share years of our lives with someone and never get a chance to see them again. But sometimes we do. Regardless, those good times will still be there and there isn’t any reason to fret over what could have been.
Que sera, sera my friend.
