A Good Marriage Needs Strong Boundaries
Good boundaries require three things to be effective.
By Lesli Doares
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.”
– Brene Brown
In a recent post, I talked about the need for both compassion and accountability in your marriage. And the path to accountability runs directly through boundaries.
But, Lesli, I hear you say, aren’t boundaries just ultimatums?
Aren’t they a way to control your partner? To have things done your way?
In a word — NO!
Boundaries are the rules you establish to keep yourself safe and secure.
They are things you do for yourself, not to anyone else.
And good boundaries require three things to be effective.
First, you need Clarity. What exactly is the boundary you want to set? The more specific you can be, the easier your boundary is to understand and respect. Stating that you will not be called derogatory names is much clearer than saying you want to be spoken to respectfully.
There isn’t anything wrong with requesting the latter. It just leaves wriggle room and, therefore, an opportunity for…
