Why a Man Should Be Filling Two Roles for a Woman
My honey and I were talking once, and I was trying to help her understand that I cared about her.
“Honey, you are having a hard time. You’re telling me there’s nothing that’ll make you feel better.”
My shot at being sensitive was to hold space for her, but our relationship isn’t always weighed down. In moments we’re happy and I don’t have to worry about subtlety and cue. I’m grateful for those moments, but they wouldn’t be the same without the conflicts we’ve been resolved.
A million things go into a simple question: How to love a woman. How to navigate a world where both the desire for comfort, familiarity and sensitivity and a darker, sexual desire coexist. I think it’s helpful to start with this dichotomy. After all, it manifests great ambivalence and confusion, each in our own experience of life.
Healing and Tender Love
Some marriages are sad. Some marriages are lies. Some are both.
Barely tolerating another who doesn’t show you love and care is difficult. You’re cornered into a frustrating and hollow feeling. Casted into a permanent low-priority role. It’s not good enough.
Hopelessness that the person will change is a tragic reality for many. It makes sense to cut off a marriage under these circumstances. This can be hard because one’s hope for familiarity and comfort may be crushed. A hope lost in hell.
What a woman needs to thrive in a relationship is a sensitive, anchored man who will be there for her, cherish her, and make her feel desired. That’s a man’s role in a woman’s life. But sometimes, things aren’t as simple as they seem. Men are lost in a world where they lack emotional language and communication skills needed to cultivate a healthy relationship. A man’s challenge is overcoming this difficulty.
And for a woman, the challenge is to find those special people willing to take on the challenge and improve. A woman finds that not just anybody is going to do that for them.
Another challenge in a woman’s life is the inability to find a quality match before they’re all taken.
Quality matches have certain characteristics. A person that you could love and be loved by in marriage seems to be a good indicator of a quality match.
Women suffer a huge disadvantage in the dating game. Women have a harder time finding quality matches the older they get. That’s because the quality matches have already been taken.
In this reality, the comforting warmth of a dedicated partner who knows you can be a significant beacon of hope and happiness. Couples have their inside jokes, special memories, and status quo that can be so important to their daily functioning; men who get with the program and learn to communicate, express their love and desire, and women who’s lives become enlightened with a positive relationship have a lot of ammunition to face the colder facets of the world, like loneliness and apathy.
Sex and Visceral Love
Love for a woman means taking her out on a date purposefully and meaningfully, and fucking her sensually and wildly afterwards.
This is far from a bad place. The visceral quality of the encounter sends our adrenaline and excitement for life. The intimacy of a stranger may be the greatest adventure.
Naughtiness and danger feeds our intuitive and carnal life.
Men put two and two together to satisfy both worlds. Complexities in our psyche, our desires, can be simplified. At least within a man’s goal, putting the two halves of the dichotomy together is a way to find a balance. On the one hand, emotional vulnerability we so need for relationships to work, and on the other, the satisfaction of the deep itch of carnal pleasure.
Your partner sometimes just wants to fuck. Is that so bad? Especially where someone you care for is concerned, let go and submit to your darker side.
I think it’s a serious desire for any serious man to want to fulfill both of these roles for a woman. And women, to respect themselves, but still find patience in their hearts for someone who is trying.
