A Vow Made Me Stay Married

If we were dating I would have run.

Photo by Rene Asmussen

“Colleen,” said my oldest sister. “Where was your self-respect?”

I had revealed my truth to her. All of the stories I kept hidden from my family and friends because I didn’t want them to hate the man I loved. She was shocked by my husband’s refusal to pick me up from oral surgery.

Our mother raised us with self-respect. It’s why I remember the words my sister spoke all those years ago. I had a degree of moxie. I wouldn’t tolerate being treated poorly by a man.

But it took an engagement to reveal this side of him. I disregarded it. I blamed it on wedding planning. Lots of couples argue during the stress of organizing the big day.

I was unaware our dynamic was shifting.

My self-respect evaporated with vows. I would have run if we’d still been dating. During the first few years of marriage, I experienced a cold and cruel man. One I had never met.

But the church, the marriage license, and till death do us part kept me there.

In a tormenting cycle of emotional Yin and yang.

It’s baffling to me as a divorced adult. The invisible bond grounded in my faith made me believe I should stay. Twice a year my world would be turned upside down. It…