Accepting People for Who They Are Will Change Your Life
Plus, it’s a better way to love them
I used to have an idea of what my family should be like. I’m not sure if I built this idea from fictional families in books I’d read or if I was influenced by the fictional families I saw on TV. I just had an impression of how things were supposed to be, and I kept being disappointed by the way things were.
As the progressive, liberal child of a conservative, religious family, I kept seeking a level of acceptance that just wasn’t going to happen. At the same time, I knew who they all were and kept expecting them to miraculously change. I wanted them to be as open-minded as I’d become, but that’s not a realistic expectation. It’s pure projection, and every “should” I conjured left me frustrated and disappointed.
I did the same in relationships. I had an idea of how things should be, and instead of accepting them as they were and making my decisions based on reality, I would hold on to the fantasy, hoping it would magically change the relationship to what I wanted. Hoping for people to change is similar to magical thinking because people don’t really do that — not without some personal, intrinsic motivation.
I had an impression of how things were supposed to be, and I kept being…
