Amber Heard made Johnny Depp feel like Dating his Mom? This might Happen to You
No, I am not talking about Freud’s Oedipus Complex
Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, a former Hollywood couple’s lawsuit about domestic abuse is all over the news now since they divorced in 2017 after 15 months marriage.
During the trial, Johnny Depp talked about his mother,
“She was quite violent and she was quite cruel. There was physical abuse certainly…, you know, hits you in the head or you get beat with a high-heeled shoe or a telephone or whatever is handy.”
And in an audio recording was played in the court, Amber and Jonny’s conversation as below,
“I did not punch you. I was hitting you. You are a f**king baby. Grow the f**k up.”
“Don’t tell me what feels like to be punched.”
In the court, Mr. Depp continued, “At a certain point, when what enters your mind is you start to slowly realize that you are in a relationship with your mother in a sense.”
It seems domestic violence is an inevitable vicious cycle ?
It’s hard to break the pattern we attach to
One of my friends had lived with her boyfriend for 3 years. Her boyfriend started hitting her in the first month of living together.
One single violent stare is enough to kick me out of the door. How could she put up with a guy literally kicking her several times and still stayed together?
Because those abused’s tolerance for violence has been well trained.
She came from a family with an absent mother and an abusive father, pretty much similar to Jonny’s upbringing.
And parents are the first archetype of what a woman and man should be.
If kids don’t identify with parents’ behavior, they would feel they are emotionally traitors. This makes them tend to find someone just like their parent because familiarity feels like home.
What about those who frown upon their parents’ behavior?
I have been there.
I was raised by an elitism/health fanatic father and mother who are constantly yelling, almost like they fight on a second basis. I don’t have any memories they are showing affection to each other.
I swore I won’t let myself be in a relationship like this when I was a kid. So I went the opposite.
I started dating in my early twenties. Yelling didn’t exist. Fighting noises didn’t exist. But how do a couple maintain their relationship without any disagreement?
We fought without words.
Once a rage came when we were on the motorcycle. He speeded up and zigzagged on the road. We almost hit a truck.
Besides the days he painted 16 hours a day, it’s hard for him to get alcohol out of his hand. That was something new to me because up till those days, I hadn’t witnessed people drinking in my entire life.
And what I was doing? I wanted to show my parents I was right, I knew what true love is.
But even headed for the opposite, that was still based on the archetype formed by my parents. Their influence follows us wherever we go.
Once we are born, we are in control of our parents forever
They don’t need to educate us, we already learn everything from them.
Their behavior teaches us what kind of person we should be looking for.
There are some good ones out there but people don’t feel clicked with. A so-called stable relationship could be seen as unexciting or nurturing. Our preference is programmed by our upbringing.
Later in life, I found if I ask these two questions on a date,
What is your mom like? What do you think of her?
then the expiration date of this relationship is predictable. If I have the traits his mom has which he values as well, usually, this relationship is a years thing.
For example,
if he says, “My mom is bossy.”
then continue, “But I look up to her.”
or “She never respects anyone.”
You see the first thing he sees in a woman. And woman’s role in a relationship in his eyes.
His whole life revolves around the first trait that comes out of his mouth, good or bad.
As Johnny Depp described his mother without any grudge and stated that he realized he is in a relationship with his mother, we know the bond we formed with our parents could become a loop we can’t get out of.
When we are trying to prove we are right to parents, we are trying to get their love.
If we just follow their value, we know we can gain their love by doing so.
No matter what kind of parents we have, parents are always the love in a kid’s heart.
That is to say, we spend the rest of our life seeking familiarity or unfamiliarity which all lead us to the place where we have a longing for coming back.
