Are They Avoidantly Attached or Just Not That Into You?

Knowing whether it’s self-preservation or if they’re just not interested.

Annie Tanasugarn, PhD
Feb 15 · 6 min read
Kieferpix/Shutterstock

“Pain in this life is not avoidable. But the pain we create avoiding pain is avoidable.” — R.D. Laing.

The excitement of a new relationship always has us psyched. We’re sleeping less, we’ve got more energy on reserve and our S.O. is constantly running through our mind.

Dissecting The Dynamics

At first, it’s easy to confuse the newness of a healthy relationship that’s just starting out, from a toxic one that hasn’t yet shown itself. The fact is, even bad relationships start out exciting and fun, or I doubt many of us would stick around if it started and ended with a shitshow.

Avoidant, Or Not That Into You?

If your caregivers were dismissive of your needs growing up, this sets the foundation for developing an Avoidant attachment style in adulthood — where pushing away, fierce pseudo-independence and emotional unavailability are common.

So, when you see these kind of red flags in a relationship, are they simply Avoidantly attached, or just not that into you?

Hello, Love

Love changes us. Love makes us human.

Annie Tanasugarn, PhD

Written by

Psychologist. Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Certified Trauma & Addictions Specialist. Follow my tips on IG: https://www.instagram.com/xx_thebehaviordoc_xx/

Hello, Love

Love changes us. Love makes us human.

Annie Tanasugarn, PhD

Written by

Psychologist. Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Certified Trauma & Addictions Specialist. Follow my tips on IG: https://www.instagram.com/xx_thebehaviordoc_xx/

Hello, Love

Love changes us. Love makes us human.

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