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Why Asking Men to “Do Better” Does More Harm Than Good
Let’s talk about the real reason sexual violence is increasing.
You’ve probably noticed it too — the way men are often conditioned to believe that masculinity means being dominant, aggressive, and emotionally detached.
My friend Melissa, who’s 43 and has been married for twenty-two years, lives this reality every day. She’s got a good relationship with her husband, a radiographer, but there’s one thing that drives her absolutely crazy: his dismissiveness.
Melissa loves her husband deeply, and she knows he cares about her too.
However, there are moments when she opens up about something important, maybe a problem she’s facing or even just a bad day, and instead of engaging, he brushes it off.
It’s not that he doesn’t love her — he does — but it’s like he’s been trained to think that showing too much care or emotion makes him less of a man.
You see, society has this way of telling men that strength is about being tough and stoic, not empathetic or vulnerable.
Boys grow up hearing phrases like “man up” or “don’t cry,” and they carry that baggage into adulthood. It’s no wonder Melissa’s husband sometimes struggles to really tune in when she needs him to.
