But How Am I Supposed to Be with Her Sober?

Though it often isn’t malicious, we so often forget that our fear affects others. It hurts.

The Good Men Project
Hello, Love

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Photo credit: iStock

By Dan Griffin

She was beautiful. A few of us were eating at a restaurant in Harrisonburg, Virginia. Our server had a wonderful smile. I still remember her name even though it was eighteen years ago. Khirsha. Olive skin, black hair, a small stud in her nose, and a beautiful body. I was with friends so I had enough confidence to joke with her and even flirt. She flirted back. It was obvious to them that she was into me. I could even feel it! So, buoyed by the support of my friends, I asked her out. She gave me her number. I couldn’t believe it. The first woman I asked out in recovery and she said yes!

But as I drove back to my apartment in Staunton, about a half hour from Harrisonburg, I thought about what had just happened. I was going to have to call her. I was going to have to deal with the possibility — -that in my self-loathing and insecure mind was more of a probability — -that she gave me her number with no real intention of going out with me. And what if we did go out? What was I going to do? How was I going to talk to her without alcohol or something in me to enable me to contact that part of me that women seemed to like? And what if I wanted to kiss her? Or if…

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The Good Men Project
Hello, Love

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