Compulsory Requirements of a Healthy Relationship

SUPPORT

Support in a relationship means you can expect your partner to be by your side during good and bad times. More importantly, during the bad ones because support is not usually a problem during good times. When you are facing a problem, your partner might or might not be able to give you a solution, but the fact that they are there for you in your journey of finding the solution matters. Emotional support is crucial in hard times. And if that is missing, it is not the right relationship for you.

UNDERSTANDING

Everybody is unique and imperfect. The closer you get to someone, the more you become aware of your differences. Disagreements lead to conflict, and conflict is necessary for a relationship to uncover these differences, but the only goal should be mutual understanding.

An ideal relationship has a foundation of solid understanding where you are aware of each other’s differences and finds a way to make space for them in the relationship.

If your partner is a night owl and you are an early bird, it will take some deep understanding of each other’s personalities and find a solution in the middle, that works for both.

If you love to read and your partner is not even close to being a reader, there should be space for both of you in the relationship to live your separate interests, all the while looking for things that you can do together. There has to be a balance.

TRUST

Our brains are wired to make us feel safe. That is our biology. If you are in a relationship where you are not sure if you can trust the other person, your bodies activate the danger mode and you are always worried and feeling insecure, which hurts your focus and your behavior.

Trust is not built in seven days but it also does not take seven years. So, if you have been with someone for more than a year and you still cannot trust them, I say, you rethink continuing the relationship

MUTUAL RESPECT

Truth? Love is not enough. And respect is more important than love. If you are not respected for who you are, and are constantly made to feel that you are not enough, walk away.

Our environments trump our will. And if we constantly stay in environments where we do not feel valued, it hurts our self-esteem. And low self-esteem can destroy you.

Always go where you are valued. Everything else is not worth it. I always say this: Even if you are at the risk of being alone for walking away from someone who does not value you, it is infinitely better than staying with them and feeling shallow.

LOVE

Ah! the magical word that never fails to fool you.

I do not believe in the idea of love being unconditional. For me, love is cherishing your partner with all their flaws. Making them feel special and magnifying their positive qualities in your mind than their negative qualities. Nobody is perfect and everyone you meet will have flaws. Love is about accepting those thorns that are inevitable with the beautiful rose, that your partner is. Even after all their imperfections, they are perfect for you! (Caveat: Make sure you are not compromising on the fundamentals mentioned in the above four points. Everything else is acceptable)

This John Legend’s song describes the idea of love so well for me:

All of me

Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me

I will give my all to you

You are my end and my beginning

Even when I lose, I am winning.

Thanks for reading.

Check out my other pieces on relationships and life here: Bhanu Singhal

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