Did You Ever Lose a Best Friend Too?
Some people arrive in our lives to be a bright light… until they leave.
Once I had a best friend in the world and now we are strangers. How did it happen?
It was a relationship that was as important to me as a marriage. Completely different from a partner relationship, but just as strong.
We met at a creative writing course. I remember when she first came — brought by a friend — and I remember that I thought that she looked tired. I didn’t think at the time that she would become my closest soul in the whole world. But when we started talking, we found out we had so much in common.
I didn’t know before how it feels to have a soulmate
The creative writing was full of amazing people. We were so close, we loved each other so much, and I loved her most of all. We resonated on a level that I couldn’t even imagine before.
We were inseparable. Everyone said our names in the same breath. Arte and Hela, Hela and Arte. Her name still sounds like a song to me, and a wave of love and elation still rushes through my heart. But the relationship is empty now.
We understood each other deeply. We could communicate without words. We conveyed whole messages in just one look across a room full of people. We laughed together so much. We did silly things and I loved it.
We didn’t have easy lives, me and her. We came from abusive families. We had serious mental health problems. We banded together against the whole world. We both understood what the other one was fighting with.
Today I wonder if it perhaps were our shared hardships that brought us together — if our relationship was built not on the basis of what we love, but of what we lack.
The beginning of the end
Everything was amazing with her — until my health collapsed. My immune system stopped functioning properly. I was sick for months on end, getting healthy just to fall ill a week later. I had to stop going to the creative writing meetings, and I didn’t have the strength to go out with my friends. I was tired, so tired.