Fondness and Admiration: The Key Ingredients To Making Marriage Last
Mutual admiration is a hallmark of mature love.
What does it take to make a relationship last? Love? Respect? Passion? An ability to forgive? Kindness? Certainly, these are key ingredients for a healthy relationship. But even when these qualities are present, couples may complain about feeling dissatisfied with their marriage and many will divorce.
According to Dr. John Gottman, who studied couples in his Love Lab or over 40 years, the second level of his Sound Relationship House, is sharing fondness and admiration, and it represents the foundation for a successful marriage. His Gottman Institute team writes: “Couples who function well are able to appreciate and enjoy most aspects of their partner’s behavior and learn to live with differences. Notice the good things your partner is doing and call them out.”
When I talk to couples who are in happy marriages, most of them start out with how great their partner treats them. Almost unanimously they say things like, “He or she treats me well” especially in a new relationship. And that’s great. The person you’re in a relationship with should treat you well, and you should expect nothing less. But there needs to be more to sustain long-lasting love.
