Ground Control: The Art of Heartfelt Empathic Listening

Six ways to let your partner’s words land.

Let It Land is the pathway to mature intimacy.

Mature intimacy is the ability to “feel, together.” In our previous article we shared four gateways to communicate mature intimacy. In this article we share six practices for deeper listening.

Mature intimacy is when partners simultaneously hold two parallel, and different, internal realities. Embracing duality, especially in tense moments, is not easy. In our previous article we outlined four gateways for the speaker to share their inner world in a vulnerable and open way.

Yet speaking is half the work.

Deep listening and accepting influence is the other part of mature intimacy. Research shows that partners that can not only listen but also accept influence and change according to their partner’s feedback, report higher levels of marital satisfaction.

Let It Land.

We call the act of accepting influence from our partner to “Let It Land” (LIL). This phrase is a theater improvisation principle that applies perfectly to intimate relationships as well. LIL refers to the ability to let what your partner says “land” in your body.

Being open to our partner’s feelings, especially if they’re feedback is constructive or hurtful…