Help, My Friend’s Life Makes Me Feel Worse About My Own!
Despite my best efforts, I’ve still never had anything that could be called a relationship.
Doctor’s Note: Today’s column involves discussion of sexual abuse, grooming and rape.
Dear Dr. NerdLove,
I’m a 39-year-old woman who didn’t lose my virginity until I was 29, and then only because I was determined to, even in very unideal circumstances. Despite my best efforts, I’ve still never had anything that could be called a relationship — just unrequited crushes and sex with a handful of men who used me, then ghosted. A little over a year ago I had an encounter with a childhood friend that sent me spiraling in what I’m afraid are some seriously unhealthy ways.
I’ll begin at the beginning. Growing up, I was an unattractive and socially awkward outcast who dealt with being bullied and shunned by my peers by constantly telling myself I was going to be beautiful and successful when I grew up. I latched onto stories of models and actresses who claimed to have been ugly ducklings and fictional characters who went from homely children to beautiful women. I always did well in school, but this was so taken for granted by my upper-middle-class family that I didn’t derive any real…
