Here’s Why the Right Age to Get Married Is Only When You’re Ready
Your age doesn’t decide for you; you do.
When did you pass out of high school?
Has anyone ever tried to reverse-calculate your age by asking indirect questions to check if you are “marriage-ready?”
I come from India, a country deeply rooted in its traditions, and things have been done a certain way for a long time. If you decide to deviate from society’s “normal” norms, you must be ready to face some backlash.
One such norm is getting married by a certain age (25–27).
Don’t get me wrong. I am not someone who believes that one should never get married. But one has the right to decide when they are ready to set foot into this institution.
Now that’s not a very unfair ask.
When I turned 25, many people asked me when I was getting married. What triggered them was that I had a top-notch degree and a fancy high paying job. They said, what else is left for you to do in life? Get married!
I used to smile casually and tell them it was too early without genuinely knowing why it was “too early” for me.
But six years later, I now know!
And here’s why I want you to know too.
Know yourself
I may have achieved a lot professionally when I was 25, but I was nowhere there on the personal front.
There was so much I needed to understand about myself — my values, my strengths, my weaknesses, my emotions (why I behave and feel a certain way in certain situations), my habits, etc. I needed to become self-aware!
You would ask, why is this a prerequisite for getting married?
Hear me out — Living and breathing the same air as a new person for a significant part of your day is not a cakewalk. Conflicts are bound to happen because no two individuals are absolutely alike.
This is where the “knowing yourself” mantra will come in handy.
You will be better equipped to handle a conflict because you can now manage your emotions and also communicate effectively to your partner where you are coming from.
You’ll be surprised to see how maturely you can handle complicated stuff solely by being more informed about yourself.
Be Independent
I’ve realized that the most significant dampener in any relationship is the weight of expectation.
The fact that I can take care of myself has empowered me so much that I now have faith in myself and my abilities. My reflexes have become trained not to expect from anybody. I am the only person I expect from!
Being self-sufficient emotionally and financially rewires your brain to believe that “you are enough.”
A relationship is never supposed to make you feel like you are obliged to do something, and that’s the feeling your partner would be left with you if you have high expectations from them.
I am not saying have a no-expectation relationship. C’mon, that would mean you have no feelings. Imagine telling your partner that you don’t expect them to love you. That’s absurd!
I am saying that don’t set the bar too high by stretching your expectations too far.
You don’t expect your partner to give you a rose on a random day, but they suddenly pop one before you. Now imagine the happiness one rose can bring you — Expectations and happiness are inversely related.
Expecting less brings more happiness!
Identify your life goals
The younger me used to laugh when someone said they had their goals set out for the next five years. I used to think, how can one ever know — what a big mouth!
But over time, I have realized that one NEEDS to know. A long-term vision motivates you and helps you identify what’s important to you.
Knowing your goals before getting married can be helpful in many ways:
- Now that you know what you want from life, you will also have a clearer idea of what qualities you want in your life partner.
- Clear personal goals would ensure you never lose yourself in a relationship.
- Knowing your goals well in advance will help you set and plan your marriage goals with your partner more effectively — say, the decision around having kids, buying a house, relocating, etc.
Only when you know what you want from life can you bring your partner on the same page.
Imagine realizing years after marriage that you both wanted different things and couldn’t support each other on your personal journeys!
Understand: Marriage is not easy
You know how they say you must read because someone out there would have overcome and written about the problem you are facing right now — the same goes with marriage.
I saw many of my close ones tying the knot through all those years when I refused to get married. As a result, I got to study many of these marriages from a distance (no, I wasn’t judging anybody). Not just these, but I overindulged by analyzing my parents’ marriage in my head.
Doing so snapped me out of my long-held belief that marriage is a fairy tale. It could be, but it indeed is not just that. I genuinely understand now that marriages are hard work.
All the more reason for you to take the time to figure out with clarity what you want and, more importantly, what you DON’T want in the relationship with your partner.
Bringing it all together
My goal was never to learn what it takes to make a marriage work (I know I will only understand this once I am married, and my marriage has outlived me:).
My sole intention was to feel prepared in my head and not feel like I was pushing myself or being pressured into something I wasn’t ready for.
The above is my groundwork, and I believe it’s solid! It would be best if you did yours too.
This is your life. You need nobody’s permission to take all the time on earth you need before you tell yourself that you are ready. Only then will you be able to see your marriage last a lifetime!
