How Acceptance Creates Peace Within Your Relationships
To have a deep relationship with someone, you have to fully see them for who they are.
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We have been traveling, but thought we would share some of our musings.
PHIL: To have a deep relationship with someone, you have to fully see them; see them for who they are. This means not seeing them in comparison to someone else, some gender figure or past love or social norm. They are who they are and they do what they do. They have autonomy, they have agency, they have the right to a different view. To see them in this way is total acceptance.
And with that, you receive a gift in return, though it may not feel like one at first. You get the gift of not having to control them or fix their problems or needing to get their agreement on decisions. To take this position might feel strange compared to the common view that all relationships have combative elements, whether running as an undercurrent or flaring up on a daily basis. It is not like you can effortlessly adopt this new form of relating; everybody falls short at times. The trick is to recognize it and learn from it. The reward is great. To let go of that attitude of struggle can feel as if all the noises in the world are receding.
With all this, much language drops away, and two things happen: the relationship reveals its experiential side, and it exists in the present. Words don’t drop away altogether, but their power to control is weakened.
In the best case, your partner rejoices in the freedom you are offering and offers the same in return, but they might not want that autonomy, being more comfortable with the known status quo. You have to decide if they have a decent chance of grasping the concept of total acceptance.
Just as this can transform the relationship with your partner, it can affect how you interact with other people. There is an opportunity to reframe all relationships as friendly, or at least potentially so.
MAUDE: This past week was the celebration of The International Day of Peace on September 21. For Phil and I, it brought thoughts of what we are doing to contribute to that experience. As many of you know, spreading peace one relationship at a time is our goal and our motivation in writing these blogs.
We believe that relationships, deep ones, with family, friends and romantic partners are the arena for the realization of this state of being. In learning that it is possible to live this way with those we are close to, we become ever more capable of treating those in the community and the greater group in the same way.
Phil has written to the need for total acceptance of the uniqueness of another person in creating peaceful harmonious relationships. This kind of acceptance opens up the heart of both the one accepting and the one being accepted. Much as this may be a striving rather than an accomplished behavior, it’s the belief it is possible, and intention to act in this manner that bring it into reality.
I was struck by Phil’s comment “Just as this can transform the relationship with your partner, it can affect how you interact with other people. There is an opportunity to reframe all relationships as friendly, at least potentially so.” This approach of being friendly has such lovely qualities associated with it: kindness, respect, warmth, care, honor, and yes, love. What better way to approach others than with loving friendliness!
I am reminded of a quote that spoke to me strongly when I encountered it,
“You can cultivate gracefulness, but graciousness is the aroma of friendliness which emanates from a love-saturated soul.” The Urantia Book
Let us act with this kind of generosity of spirit in our deeper relationships and watch that spread around the world.
Photo credit: Rita Gelber, the graphic designer for IDWP.
Photo note: I Declare World Peace is a power-of-intention worldwide art experiment that seeks to spread the phrase “I Declare World Peace”. #IDWP
Originally published at https://philandmaude.com on September 24, 2023.
