How Can Love Turn into Loneliness?
Why does love sometimes fade away? Is sacrifice the true measure of love?
I’m struggling to comprehend how two people who were deeply in love can undergo such profound changes that they no longer wish to share their lives. I decided to marry a man whom I loved passionately for years and, willing to do anything to be with him. This commitment led me to leave behind my dream job and the city that had given me the courage to spread my wings. I even left my parents and defied all odds to marry him.
It only took one day into our marriage for me to realize that something was amiss.
Despite this, I persisted for 7 years, constantly striving to make things work and to turn my fairytale into reality. However, I reached a point where I could no longer hold on and made the difficult decision to part ways.
I am frequently asked why I married him in the first place, why I can’t salvage the relationship now, what changed, and whether he had always been the same.
People often inquire if I had seen this coming.
I acknowledge that change is an inevitable part of life.
People change, circumstances change, and priorities change.
But can these changes be so drastic that individuals fall out of love to the extent that someone’s feelings and tears cease to matter anymore?
I felt as though I no longer existed to him, and this realization began to consume me.
I found myself caught in a whirlwind of self-blame and questions, struggling to come to terms with the anguish I felt. Throughout this rough period, it never seemed to concern him how I was feeling or what I was tolerating.
I blame Bollywood movies for my broken heart. I grew up watching Shahrukh Khan fighting to be with his Simran.
But I now find myself questioning if such love exists in the real world. Does love truly exist?
The version of love I have experienced involves sacrificing one’s aspirations and freedom. I have waited through endless nights to be with him, only to hear that I haven’t been supporting him enough.
Does love come at the cost of losing one’s respect?
Is that the price of love?
I always thought love is selfless and about giving respect and freedom, while expecting the same understanding from your partner.
However, my love came at a cost — I had to ask for permission to be with my parents. My love came at the cost of giving up on my health during pregnancy and maternity.
North Indian marriages have always been more about marrying one girl to the whole family. It is not just the marriage between two people. You are given the burden of pleasing everyone from day one of your marriage, and no one cares about how you have been feeling during this change. You leave your parent’s house, and no one considers the loneliness inside you or the feeling of hollowness of leaving your family behind.
Is it the society we are brought up in, or is it the person that you are marrying, I couldn’t find the answer to this.
What makes marriages more like a corporate deal that comes with so many terms and conditions?
Dowry in the name of gifts still thrives in North Indian families.
A father aspirationally saying that he will marry his daughter with gusto is often misinterpreted as at least a 7-seater car will be gifted at the marriage.
People are gifting a box full of hard cash, and the groom’s family accepts that in the name of a gift. The bride’s family keeps supporting this for the sake of their daughter’s happiness.
It seems as though I have been on a journey to understand the true nature of love.
The love I have experienced has been quite different from what I had initially expected. As I reflect on my failed marriage, I am left with numerous questions. I can’t help but wonder if it was us who changed over time, or if it was never love to begin with.
For me, love has always been about finding fulfillment in holding each other’s hands through the ups and downs of life, and being a constant source of support for one another.
However, I have yet to experience the fairytale love I had hoped for.
Now, as a parent, my focus has shifted towards raising my daughter with all the love and happiness that I had yearned for.
I have come to realize that love is not confined to romantic relationships. I believe that love can take on various forms, and I am determined to provide my daughter with the unconditional love and happiness that I had sought for myself.
In essence, my perception of love has evolved and taken on a new form.
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