How Do I Stop Being an Abusive, Bullying Asshole?
I’m abusive, self-pitying, and mean, but I also am self-aware (well, more than 0%) and know that I have a future beyond suicide.
DOCTOR’S NOTE: Today’s column involves discussion of suicide, suicidal ideation and self-harm.
Okay doc, this is gonna be one of those letters that you get to tear apart because I’m a major asshole and I need to fix this. I don’t wanna remain deep in denial about how I keep sabotaging my relationships and making people miserable. I’m a little scared of how this is gonna demolish my fragile ego, but it has to be done.
So long story short: I grew up as an HSP with anxiety, bad social skills, and few friends. As an elementary school child, I was the disruptive weird kid who was bullied and also bullied others. I did a lot of public crying and other stupid embarrassing shit. I wasn’t an asshole 24/7 this young, it’s more like I was just a dumb kid who didn’t know how to interact with people. Some adults would look on me with disgust, others I would soak up the praise from for being “smart” (making me look like a teacher’s pet later in life and craving adult attention). I always felt alienated from kids my age. My family relationships were mostly fine here…
