How Do We Make Sex Work While We’re Separated?

We’re both pretty horny — but it seems like there are completely different sets of things that turn us on.

The Good Men Project
Hello, Love

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Photo credit: iStock

By Harris O’Malley

Dear Dr. NerdLove,

I’m in a long-distance relationship, and while my (F) BF’s and my sex drives are well-matched in person, this is hilariously not the case when we’re apart. It’s not the amount of sex we want — we’re both pretty horny — but it seems like there are completely different sets of things that turn us on. For him, I can give him any sort of halfway suggestive image and it’s off to the races. Not even photos — just saying that oops, I can’t find my pants right now, or something. For me, I’m not even entirely sure, thanks to a wildly sex-negative upbringing, but it feels like I 100% cue off of Big Romance Feelings and 0% off of any descriptions of actual sex. So I can, and do, get very turned on by flirting, even any random sort of flirting, but that’s something that emerges spontaneously from our conversations, and if we have a sexytimes session planned, I just sort of…choke. Agh the pressure! And then what he comes up with to talk about are descriptions of the physical act, which does not turn me on.

Anyway, he’s not being a jerk, he’s doing his best, and this is all new to me, and I

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The Good Men Project
Hello, Love

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