How Do You End a 14-Year Marriage?
How do you speak your truth when you have a history of stifling it?
I remember the day clearly. It was a sunny yet chilly afternoon in early February when I first truly questioned my marriage. I sat on the rug in the living room at the base of the tv, numbly staring at the way the cold light spilled through the wall of windows and created lengthening shadows across the carpet and my legs. Something prompted me to pick up the smooth three-pound labradorite crystal that we displayed on the side table and hug it to me. My eyes started stinging and tears welled up out of nowhere, and it wasn’t the first time I wondered to myself if marriage was always meant to be so lonely, but it was the first time I allowed the thought to enter my mind: I don’t know if I want to be married anymore.
On paper, we looked like a power couple. I had a thriving business that was still in growth mode, even after eight years, and he was in a phase of being employed, and with a good salary. We had purchased an old ranch home and remodeled it into my dream home. We had the trappings of a nice life—fancy cars that were fun to drive, plenty of food in the fridge and freezer, a peaceful yard to relax in. We had joint friends that we occasionally met up with, though I had many more friends on my own, and if he didn’t exactly relish the idea of me…
