How Loving Yourself Will Improve Your Life
Celebrate your authentic self.
Thereâs an old saying that goes something like, âyou have to love yourself before you can love someone elseâ, and I believe that to be wholeheartedly true. Having a healthy relationship with yourself is the key to your overall happiness and well-being. Itâs the fundamental root in how you perceive yourself as a human being and the underlying dictator in what you believe your value to the world is. Without self-love, youâre limiting yourself instead of achieving what youâre truly capable of, and every aspect of your life suffers from it â including close relationships with others.
Self-love sounds easy, right? Far from it! Society has taught us that itâs desirable to be tough and hard on ourselves. Taking time out to recharge our batteries is seen as a weakness. We get competitive, and when we make a mistake, we chastise ourselves and keep pushing instead of showing ourselves kindness. For some reason, many of us find it easier to be kind to others than to ourselves. I know Iâm guilty of that too.
So, if you feel like you lack self-love, youâre not alone. Millions of people worldwide struggle every day when it comes to forming a healthy relationship with themselves, and itâs quite sad that this is the reality we live in. From social media, societal influences, peer pressure, the educational grading system, to the competitive job market landing you countless rejections, it can all add up to negative self-esteem. People with narcissistic or abusive parents, in particular, often struggle to love themselves as theyâre dealing with the aftermath of their unfortunate upbringing. If thatâs you, I can relate because Iâve been there too.
But please know that regardless of what youâve gone through that caused you to lose that loving spark towards yourself, you can still get it back, or grow it entirely from scratch. Hereâs how I did it.
Get rid of toxicity in your life
Whether it be people, bad habits or a poor environment, itâs time to let it go. (And yes, I did include people in that list!) It might be a hard pill to swallow, but anything, or anyone, holding you back or harming your well-being should have no place in your life. Take out the toxicity, fill it with positivity and encouragement so you can grow into a much more self-loving person. If someone isnât supportive or continually attacks you as a person, itâs time to show them the door.
Donât shy away from including family members in that list. I had to move countries, and then continents, and end contact with a toxic family member, and I felt all the better for it. Sure, some people might guilt-trip you (they sure tried it with me), but that doesnât matter because theyâre not walking in your shoes.
Train your mind to become more positive
Sounds like a clichĂŠ, right? But it works nonetheless! I must admit, I was initially very sceptical of mindfulness, but studies have shown that there is a clear link between mindfulness and a more positive self-image. So work on training your mind to become more positive. The more positive you are, the more likely youâll feel that love towards yourself without being bogged down from negativity. You can do this by being mindful of your thoughts as they come. When you have an adverse thought arise, donât let it sit. Replace it with a positive one instead. I like to imagine negative thoughts like clouds passing through the sky of my mind.
A mindfulness app like Smiling Mind may also be helpful. My go-to app has been Calm for a number of years now. Their short âDaily Calmâ meditation sessions have really helped me become more aware of myself and my thought patterns. Over time, youâll find that this process will come more naturally as your mind begins to shift.
Practice gratitude
One of the most impactful emotions for gaining overall positivity in your life is gratitude. Studies have linked gratitude to greater self-esteem and more life satisfaction. When you practice gratitude, you are expressing appreciation and thankfulness for aspects within your life. There are tons of ways you can leverage this incredible emotion. One of the ideal means is utilising a gratitude journal. There are also countless apps, like the aptly named Gratitude, that let you journal your thoughts online. But if you feel like keeping it more internal, try thinking of five things at the end of each day that you are grateful for to become more optimistic over time. Thatâs what I do as Iâm getting ready for bed, and I noticed being conscious of things Iâm grateful for each day makes me go to sleep more content and happier than I used to.
Avoid trying to be perfect
Reality check: no one is perfect. Everyone has their imperfections, flaws and traits about themselves that they donât like, and guess what? Thatâs okay! Nowhere does it say that humans have to be perfect in order to love themselves. Once you throw away that idea and accept who you are as a person, both the good and the not so good, youâll see remarkable changes in how you see and value yourself.
And donât just accept yourself, embrace who you are and what makes you you! I know, this is a tricky one. It took me ages to lower the standards I set for myself. A good example is the BA in philosophy Iâm currently doing in my spare time. At first, I was disappointed and felt like a loser every time I didnât get a High Distinction in a unit (after all, Iâm a middle-aged âmatureâ student, how could I be so dumb, right?), but now Iâm just enjoying learning about the subject and donât care about my grades, as long as I pass. It has made a huge difference!
Stop calling yourself names
How often do you mess up something and call yourself âstupidâ or an âidiotâ? I know I certainly used to be guilty of this. If this is you too, you need to stop â today! When you call yourself names, both externally or internally, youâre only convincing yourself that you actually are as dumb as you say, even if thatâs not true. Instead of poor confirmations, tell yourself something like, âIâll be more careful next timeâ or âIâll do better next time aroundâ.
I managed to overcome this negative self-talk by imagining someone else in my situation â what would I tell them? I certainly wouldnât call them an idiot, so Iâve stopped talking like that to myself too. Once you become aware of this and something clicks in your mind, itâll just stop.
Put yourself first
Learn to say no when you really donât want to do something. Repeat after me: N-O! Spend a day doing all the things you love to do â a self-care day if you will â and soak in everything that enriches your mind and body. This can be a day out in nature, at a day spa visit with your best friend, or just relaxing at home doing nothing (yes, thatâs me!); whatever floats your boat.
When you finally start putting yourself first and doing things in your best interest, youâll reach a whole new level of self-awareness, confidence and energy that you may never have known existed. And remember not to worry about whether anyone else approves; that really doesnât matter. You do you!
Reward and celebrate yourself
When was the last time you celebrated or rewarded yourself for reaching a goal or learning a new skill? If itâs been a while, make sure to start doing that now. Celebrate yourself and your successes in life. Think about it: if someone you loved got a promotion at work, youâd probably go out and get them something sweet for it. Show yourself that same appreciation too. Remember, youâre worth it.
Conclusion
You donât have to be perfect in order to love yourself. Every single person on this earth deserves happiness and has a purpose in life, and self-love is the key to unlocking that potential. When youâre able to cultivate self-love, it inevitably becomes a catalyst for fulfilment and acceptance, flaws and all. It may take some perseverance to foster that state of mind, but by empowering your mental toughness and establishing that self-importance, youâre opening the doors to reach your dreams, conquer obstacles and live an amazing life. Iâve also noticed a big, positive difference in my relationships with others. I guess the adage of âyou have to love yourself before you can love someone elseâ is true after all.
As a final reminder, self-love doesnât mean youâll be happy all the time. Of course not; youâre only human after all. But what it does mean is that no matter what hardship youâre going through, youâll still know your self-worth and remain proud of who you are, no matter what.
