How to Be a Good Partner
Things I learned after breaking up with 4 guys.
I am no dating coach, but I have been in four relationships and not even one of them ended because we were bad partners to each other. They ended because we were incompatible, and I am still friends with most of my exes.
And here are some things I learned along the way that helped me to be a good partner and I hope they will help you too.
1. Be a good listener
Communication is important and we are going to talk about it later but sometimes you don’t even have to say anything. Sometimes our partner just wants to vent about how bitchy their boss is or your local coffee shop no longer serves their favourite blend of espresso. This is not time for you to offer solutions like ‘try to talk to your boss’ or ‘find a coffee shop that has that blend’. This is time for you to just listen, nod, and show your concern. They are not asking you to solve their problems so don’t. Just listen, comfort and they will count minutes to the opportunity to talk to you next time something happens.
2. Show appreciation
People crave to be appreciated for whatever it is that they have done. Your partner cooked dinner for you? Say ‘thank you, honey, the dinner was delicious, let me help you clean up, you must be tired from all the cooking’. They finally bought batteries for the tv remote you’ve been asking for months? Say ‘thank you, darling, this is all I needed for a good chill out night’. Appreciation makes people feel special. And by appreciating your partner you’ll be one of the few people in their life who makes them feel special.
3. Truly care
To be someone whom they will cherish for years even if your relationship ends you have to truly care about the person. This ties back to appreciation. Not many people truly care about others. Rightfully so because the most important person to us is ourselves. Most of the time we are nice to someone else because we want to get something out of them. Even mothers show their babies love because they want their kids to love them back. It is what it is.
Hence by truly selflessly caring about your partner, asking how their day has been, making them hot tea when they are not feeling well, comforting them when something bad happens, you stand out of millions that don’t give a damn. While you can fake interest in a conversation and show appreciation, caring cannot be faked. If you don’t care you don’t. So choose partners who you deeply selflessly care about.
4. Give them what they crave
Most of us feel as though we lack something in our lives, no matter how much we already have. Your job is to find that something and give it to your partner. They had only one parent growing up? Give them the unconditional love they never received from the missing parent. Maybe they had both parents but felt neglected because both of them had to work a lot. Be attentive to their every wish, surround them with attention.
Even if it seems like they had the most perfect childhood I guarantee you there is something they crave because people tend to focus on the negativity in their lives. Even if they are rich and famous most likely they are tired of all the responsibilities they have. Be their escape, their daydream.
5. Be HONEST about what you want
First, be honest with yourself about what kind of partner you want. I never did that, so I always ended up unsatisfied. If you want a handsome rich guy don’t go out with “meh” guys. Don’t compromise for the sake of your and your future partner’s happiness.
Second, if you want a damn doughnut don’t be like “Let’s get whatever you want, babe. I am fine with anything.” No, you want a doughnut and that is what you are getting. Do you see what I mean? In sex the same. STATE WHAT YOU WANT AND HOW YOU WANT IT. People are not mind-readers (well at least not the majority) so say what you want and be bold about. If your partner wants the same thing awesome, if not awesome too because now you both know what each other wants.
Honesty = Better communication = Strong relationship
6. Sex
I will never forget a phrase used by my happily married friend: “Good sex is 15% of the relationship. Bad sex is 90% of the relationship.” Sexual compatibility is priceless.
My ex told me on our second or third date that he likes super rough sex. We are talking hunter and prey kinda rough and I am a very vanilla person. But I looked past that and guess what… Neither of us was satisfied with the sex. So when someone tells you they are into blood play THEY MEAN IT
7. Remember the details.
They mentioned that their favourite pie is the one made in an old downtown cafe but that cafe closed and they can’t have their favourite pie now. Get the recipe and cook them that pie! This will show them how attentive you are, that you care about even the smallest things. This will make them feel very good:)
The bottom line is that with you your partner should feel like with no one else. You should make them feel special. But make sure you are not faking it. For you to be happy in a relationship you have to be genuine towards your partner. Most of my relationships ended because I stopped liking the person. I could have faked it and stretch the misery forever, but I chose to be honest. “Hey, mate, I am sorry, but I don’t like you anymore.”
Be honest, be genuine and remember that being in a good partner in a good healthy relationship requires effort. You will be fine as long as you are willing to put in that effort.
With love,
Maggie.
