How to Deal with Online Insults

Ask Wendy: Dating, Sex & Relationship Advice for the Bold

Wendy Newman
Hello, Love


Photo by Mimi Thian on Unsplash

Hey Wendy,

How do you respond when you let someone know you aren’t interested and they respond with insults?

Selena R.


Hey Selena,

I don’t.

And you shouldn’t, either.

There seem to be two kinds of responses:

First, there are the “suuuupppp?” or “hi baby” messages. I didn’t respond to the Suuuppp-Babies. These bottomfeeders can be ignored.

But if someone reaches out with something real to say — I mean more than six real words with at least an attempt at grammar, then responding with a quick, kind “no thank you” is appreciated by most daters.

A guy friend of mine wrote to 40 women in a row, and crickets… drove him right off the site, never to date online again.

A kind and friendly “Hey, thanks for writing, but we’re not quite a match. I appreciate you reaching out!” is a good citizen thing to do.


Every once in a while…

Your kind response is met with nonsense like, “You’re ugly and a total loser. Bitch, this is why u r single.”



Wendy Newman
Hello, Love

Dating, Sex & Relationship Expert and Author of 121 First Dates (Simon & Schuster). Over 80,000 women trust Wendy’s advice, tools, & experience.