How to Know Someone is THE One
Start by getting rid of your wish list.
I once kept a mental wish list of mostly superficial characteristics that I measured against potential romantic partners. I wanted them to be a certain height, drive a particular caliber of vehicle, look and dress a certain way. There were less shallow items mixed in, but the bulk of my rationale focused on external attributes.
The criteria for my decision-making were all about the other person. This sounds good, as though you’re getting what you want. The issue is that you may not get what you need. Someone could check every box on your list and still not be right for you.
The process by which I deemed someone THE one was not only flawed, but incomplete to my detriment. I didn’t consider at all how my desired partner attributes would affect me or contribute to the viability of a relationship. I just thought that if he came with certain things, I’d be happy with him. But who someone is and how they look are often two unrelated variables.
It’s not even that I was judging a book by its cover. In the naïveté of my young adulthood, I saw the cover as the book. If it was neat and pretty and caught my attention, I considered it the foundation for a great read.
