How To Make Your Relationship Last

Think you’ve heard all the advice? Not if you haven’t read these counter-intuitive tips from Joe Kort, Ph.D.

Photo credit: iStockPhoto

By Joe Kort, Ph.D

Every relationship goes through three stages of love:

  • Romantic love
  • The power struggle
  • Real love

Romantic love is supposed to happen and then supposed to end. If you are prepared for this then you are not surprised when romantic love ends and conflict begins in the power struggle. The power struggle is supposed to happen and supposed to end too but it lasts longer because most couples don’t have skills for conflict resolution. Real love comes as couples work through these stages and their problems successfully.

Most couples think conflict signifies the end of the relationship, but actually it is the beginning. Having conflict in a relationship is an indicator you are with the right person. When he or she pushes your buttons, it is because you already have that issue and you have coupled with this person to work that issue through.

This doesn’t mean you have to leave your partner. You can have three relationships with the same person.

Old patterns change in relationships and new ones emerge. The longer you are together the more change will occur. If you enter a relationship at 20, you will change quite a bit by 40, which means the relationship must accommodate the changes in each of you individually and together.

I constantly tell couples the old relationship they were in has died, and it is now time to build a new one with their current partner.

Most couples think that if they improve their relationship, better and more frequent sex will come. Others think that if they improve their sex life the relationship will get better. Neither of these is true. If you want to have both good love and a satisfying sex life with your partner, you have to maintain two ongoing discussions over time.

You can create any type of relationship you want. What works in one relationship may never work in someone else’s. yours. There is no right or wrong way to be in a relationship. Keep doing whatever works for the two of you and never take on what others say as what should be right or wrong for the two of you.

This story was previously published on The Good Men Project.

Hello, Love

Love changes us. Love makes us human.

The Good Men Project

Written by

We're having a conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Main site is https://goodmenproject.com Email us info@goodmenproject.com

Hello, Love

Love changes us. Love makes us human.

The Good Men Project

Written by

We're having a conversation about the changing roles of men in the 21st century. Main site is https://goodmenproject.com Email us info@goodmenproject.com

Hello, Love

Love changes us. Love makes us human.

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