How to Overcome Rejection in Dating and Attract Your Ideal Woman Instead

Getting Good at Being Rejected

As an entrepreneur running a personal brand, I know a LOT about rejection.

It’s something I face every day — whether it’s regarding a program I’m offering, a sales call, a post I wrote, or a newsletter I sent.

And, as a woman who has also dated women, I have felt that visceral sting of dating rejection, too (and I have a lot of respect for men who initiate after those experiences!).

Today, I’m here to talk to my fellow logical nerds, tech, & scientist-types… Men who are successful in other aspects of life… But not as much as they hoped, when it comes to women.

When you’re used to solving problems with logic, rejection hurts far beyond the emotional ‘ouch’ because it’s so hard to know which variable to address.

The logical mind spins out.

Is it you or is it her?

Was it something you did?

Or is it something about women’s expectations today?

Were you coming across smartly, but she just wasn’t the right woman to be approaching?

Do you throw in the towel and give up because you’re convinced that ‘being yourself’ turns women off?

Do you do yet another round of ‘healing’ or ‘growth work’?

Do you double-down and wait to find the one who ‘gets’ you as you are?

(And this is just for dating! Of course men tell me all the time about the rejection they face from their wife, for years or decades… But that’s another story).

But wait! There’s more…

Anyone who’s truly honest with themselves knows that rejection also brings bitterness and resentment -

Which act like a giant spiky vest that repels women…

Which brings more bitterness and resentment…

Which repels women even more (because they can feel that in you)…

And it’s a downward spiral.

So what do you do?

The simple answer is that it’s neither all about ‘women these days’ — nor is it all on you.

Maddening, I know.

I’ll unpack this, don’t worry.

Look at it this way:

This is where your real steel is formed — a choice point where you either step out of the victim triangle and become a warrior —

Or continue powerless in the blame game that’s so prevalent in our culture.

This is a rite of passage that I went through myself during the 8 years I spent mostly single after my divorce, before I met my match -

While also going deep in my professional training on how to handle difficult emotions and shore up inner power as a dating and relationship coach for men.

The Antidote to Rejection

Here are 4 key antidotes to rejection that I learned in my trial-by-fire:

1. Double-down on the love and compassion for YOURSELF: Re-focus on what you love about yourself.

Oh wait — if you’re like 99% of men out there — you just realized that you don’t actually treat yourself very well, and self-love brings up a TON of resistance.

This, my friend, is often the root of your dating woes. We were all (men and women alike) conditioned to base out self-worth on external things: the regard of the opposite sex, our achievements, etc.

Men have an extra challenge here though because self-love can be seen as weak.

However, it’s actually the most powerful secret weapon you have — and used sincerely (not in a grandiose way), it will make your dating life and relationships be wildly successful.

2. Prioritize curiosity: Get as curious about your dating experiment as you would about your actual lab experiments or business ventures.

I didn’t take it personally when my experiments failed during my PhD — I just got curious about it and collected all the data I could.

At this point you may be asking: but what if she ghosted me? What if she just won’t give me any feedback? How do I get the data I need?

Thankfully, today there are SO MANY ways. From workshops to coaching to practice dates… Not to mention trusted friends, too.

3. Make sure you shore up your support system: surround yourself with the lifelines of good friends and community

Seriously, going it alone is so last century. Join a men’s group or intentional community!

Also, don’t ignore the reality of the bitterness, hurt, or whatever emotion is arising. Get skilled at working with that charge: journal, scream, punch (pillows), talk it out with a consenting friend, and dance with it. Let the energy move through you and release it.

4. Expect, welcome, and be grateful for rejection: in fact, when you go out, try to get rejected as many times as possible! Thank her for it, each time — for her honesty, and for helping you reach your goal of… 10 rejections that evening. Or 100!

The Elephant in the Room

I realize, after working with hundreds of awesome men over the past decade, that rejection can be especially hard for you on a physical level due the burning desire for physical touch and intimacy (and honestly, this is a HUMAN challenge — women have it too).

It’s a real path of fire to hold those, every day, in the face of rejection.

It makes sense you’d want to speed up the dating process (or the reconnection with your wife) and avoid rejection so that then maybe you won’t have to feel that burning so much.

You’re not alone.

Let’s bring it down to brass tacks: You don’t have to suppress or reject what you’re feeling.

There are both scientifically-validated as well as esoteric spiritual approaches to handling your desire — and this is part of what I teach.

Meanwhile, to date powerfully, remember your vision and mission: LOVE, a beautiful family, and a world-class partnership that lifts both you and her up.

Carry that close to your heart.

How to Attract a Woman Who Deeply ‘Meets’ You IRL

So maybe this article has left you thinking:

“Ok Dr. Jessica — handling rejection is great, but how do I stop unwittingly repelling the very women I want to attract?!”

​If you want to get free from repeating patterns in dating…

And attract gorgeous AND emotionally-mature women who you’re actually attracted to…

Download my free dating guide for smart men ready to up-level your INNER GAME.

In the guide you’ll discover 10 Ways to Meet Quality Women — OFFLINE.

What are you waiting for? Go get her 😉

With love,

Dr. Jessica

xo